Our church has been hijacked by a creepy family!

I (30/F) recently joined a local church with my boyfriend (31/M) because we are deciding whether we are going to be together long-term or not. My boyfriend grew up in this religion, and I’ve been familiar with it for a few years. My childhood was super chaotic and I never went to church, so I’ve been enjoying this for the past few months. We’re on a path toward marriage, and we want to explore shared religions and family structures after marriage. <br><br>My church has about 450 families in it, with a large Sunday morning service, plus smaller “home groups” that meet on weeknights in people’s homes. Home groups are supposed to be for learning, community, and fellowship. It’s a smaller and more informal space to interact with others. I’m still new, and I joined the young adult home group because I haven’t quite connected with people at our church yet. I’m an introvert, and it’s hard for me to put myself out there. I’m trying to do better though, and I think it’s important for a family to have a church, so here I am.<br><br>The young adult group is small—there’s just six of us plus a leader. It’s a 45-year-old man from our church. The whole group is 26 or younger. Five of us are single, but one couple is dating. Our meetings are pretty normal. We eat some food, study some teachings, and chat. I’ve really enjoyed it, and I feel like there’s potential to build friendships with some of these people.<br><br>Three weeks ago, a new family joined our church. They seem to have appeared out of nowhere. I didn’t know them at first, but they have a daughter around my age, and she joined our home group. <br><br>穴<br><br>This family is so weird. I don’t even know how to describe them. The parents are around 50. They have three kids, two girls and a boy. The mom is part of this weird Christian woman subculture where women are ultra-feminine, submissive, and have no personal identities. They fixate on being motherly and wifely and wear traditional housewife clothing, with big skirts and aprons and their hair long and curled in a retro style. This mom is like that, and she insists that her daughters be the same. <br><br>Their oldest daughter is 28, but she doesn’t look or act that old. She’s like a little girl. She has hair like her mom and wears the same kind of clothes. She’s very dumb and very sheltered. She’s never had a job or gone to school. She’s never been allowed to be around men, because her dad is afraid that she’ll be tempted into sin. She’s awkward when talking to men because she doesn’t know how to speak to them, and she barely speaks to anyone at all, because she’s so uninteresting and licky. The only thing she ever talks about is sewing and cooking and church stuff. She doesn’t have any hobbies, and she spends all her time at home with her mom and sisters. She’s literally not allowed to leave the house without her dad or mom, so she never goes anywhere.<br><br>Then there’s the middle daughter, who joined our group. She’s 23. She’s the complete opposite of her sister, and you can tell she hates her life. She’s spent time out in the world, and she’s more normal than her family. She has a regular haircut and wears modern clothes. She’s done some college and she used to work at a store. She’s been on dates and she has friends outside of her church. I wish I could say she’s normal, but she’s not. She’s still really weird. She talks about her family a lot. She hates her dad, and she’s angry about her childhood. She constantly complains about being controlled and sheltered and manipulated. She says she’s lived in so many different states because her dad keeps moving to get away from imaginary enemies. She says he’s kept her away from friends, activities, and school. She had to fight to finish high school, and she says she was never allowed to learn anything except what her dad taught her. She says she had no friends growing up except her church friends, because her dad wouldn’t let her interact with anyone outside of the church. She says she never knew anything about pop culture as a kid, because her dad thought it was sinful. She grew up in a bubble, and she feels like she lost her childhood. <br><br>We’ve gotten friendly, and she told me that she doesn’t like our church. She says our church doesn’t believe all the same things as her dad, and she says he’s angry that he can’t influence church teachings. She says he’s angry that other people don’t listen to him or obey him. She thinks he’s obsessed with our church because he wants to hijack it and turn it into a cult. She says he thinks he’s a victim when people don’t obey him, and he thinks the world needs to be punished for disobeying him. <br><br>Then there’s their brother. I’ve seen him around church, and I don’t like him at all. He’s 20, and he’s so arrogant. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s bragging about himself. He thinks he’s physically strong and he’s always talking about his strength. He thinks he’s good at sports even though he sucks at basketball. He thinks he’s good-looking even though he isn’t. He thinks he’s smart even though he dropped out of school. He won’t talk to anyone unless he can brag, and he always interrupts others so he can talk about himself. <br><br>He’s also a creep. He fixates on girls and women at church, and he goes out of his way to find ways to be near them. He’s always watching them, and he’s always following them. He offers to help them with meaningless tasks just so he can be by their side. He’s always trying to find ways to talk to them, even if it’s about meaningless topics. He always smiles and makes eye contact, and he tries to look into their eyes when he talks to them. It’s so gross, and it’s so obvious. <br><br>My first few weeks at church, he didn’t talk to me at all, and it was part of what I liked about the church. It was a rare space where I wasn’t being harassed by a creepy guy. I was enjoying the peace, and I thought that this was a safe space for women. <br><br>But then his sister joined our home group, and everything changed. I was chatting with her one evening, and he showed up at our group. He said he was there to hang out with his sister, but he stuck around for a few meetings. He was really friendly at first, and I thought he was okay. We had some conversations, and I didn’t think he disliked me or anything. <br><br>Then he asked me out on a date, and everything flipped. I politely told him no, because I’m already dating someone. I expected him to back off, but he didn’t. He got really angry, and he told me I was being selfish. He said I was rejecting God’s plan for me, and I was disobeying my calling. He said my boyfriend was sinful and evil, and I was sinning by dating him. He said I was being worldly, and I was rejecting my faith. <br><br>He wouldn’t let it go. He kept shaming me and pushing me to say yes. He would not take no for an answer. I got so uncomfortable, and I didn’t know what to say. I’m a Christian and I don’t want to be unkind, so I wanted to be gentle but firm. But he just wouldn’t let it go, and after he kept pushing me, I finally said yes. He wouldn’t back off until I said yes. <br><br>Then he started acting like we were dating, and he expected me to spend time with him and go out with him. He kept texting me and calling me, and he wanted to meet up and hang out. But I didn’t want to do any of that, because I didn’t want to date him. I felt so trapped, and I felt so resentful. I wanted to tell him off, but I worried about being mean or sinful. <br><br>I told my boyfriend about the whole thing, and he was so angry. He told me I should never say yes to someone just to avoid conflict, because it leads to trouble. He said I should have just told this guy off when he got pushy. He said it’s normal to be firm and say no to people who are being pushy or controlling, and he said that’s what I should have done. He said I should tell this guy that I’m not interested, and I’m not going to spend time with him. He said if he keeps pushing me, I should tell our church leaders about him. <br><br>I did what he said, and it was *so* difficult. I’m an avoidant and peacemaking person, and it’s hard for me to be direct or harsh with people. It’s hard for me to tell them no, because I’m afraid of conflict or rejection. But this time, I decided to be firm and direct. <br><br>It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I told this guy that I wasn’t interested in dating anymore, and I wasn’t going to spend time with him. He was angry again, but I told him I was going to report him to church leaders if he kept pushing me. He said I was being manipulative and controlling, but I didn’t back down. <br><br>I went to our church leaders, and I reported the whole thing. They were so surprised, and they didn’t know what to think. They said they’d never heard of this family before, and