My first successful store heist at Costco

I'm a senior, and the pandemic has dampened my spirits and made me feel hopeless and miserable. I have no friends left besides my girlfriend (who I also have no friends left to talk to), and I just feel like I've been marginalized into being nothing more than a garbage disposal for the world's trash. I don't bother people, and I don't bother with politics, I'm just a by the book, law abiding citizen, who tries to go about his business and live his life to the best of his ability, but it seems that no matter what I do, nobody wants me around. I live in a world that has constantly told me that I'm not needed, I'm not appreciated, and that I'm just a useless old man who should just go and die.<br><br>So I decided that if this is the respect the world has for me, I'm going to have a little fun at the expense of multi billion dollar corporations, not people. I'm not looking to steal for profit, I'm looking to have a little fun by stealing some decent food since I can't afford most of the things I want or need on a $850 social security check.<br><br>So here's what I did at Costco:<br><br>I started by adapting the "costco wreckers" method, I've never seen it done this way before and I've never seen anybody catch on.<br><br>I get to Costco, I walk in, and I've got a folded empty bag inside the waistband of my jeans. It's a compression bag that expands into a full-sized duffel bag. I walk through the self-scan by the food court, and tell the employee that I'm here to eat at the food court. He lets me through, and I go to the food court.<br><br>I eat my $1.50 hotdog and soda, and then I walk over to the store entrance and tell that employee that I've got a membership card but I accidentally left it in my car. He lets me through, and I walk in.<br><br>I go straight for the first cash registers, and there's nobody in line. The cashier starts scanning my items and she finishes and tells me the total. I then toss the money down and start "searching my pockets" for my card, and then I pretend to remember that I left it in the car and apologize profusely before going to "get it". I walk outside to my car and a couple of minutes later I come back, and walk through the self-scan line at the food court again.<br><br>Then I walk in, go through the store entrance, go back to the cash registers and repeat the process with a different cashier. I do this a couple more times, and then after about 10 minutes of doing that, one of the cashiers recognizes me and asks if I ever found my membership card. I tell her I still haven't found it yet and I'm waiting on a friend to bring me a spare one she has, and that I'm getting a little hungry so I want to keep shopping.<br><br>So I go and browse for about 10 minutes, and then I come back to a different set of cash registers and repeat the process a couple of times before a slightly annoyed cashier asks if I found the card. I explain the situation again, and she lets me go.<br><br>I do this a few more times, and then I get a little worried because the employees are definitely noticing me at this point. But I don't let them see me go out to the car and stash anything. I just go back out to the car and pretend to be waiting for my friend or using my phone or something.<br><br>So I do this all morning, and I'm constantly switching between departments and going up and down aisles and throwing random items in my compression bag. The employees are getting a little suspicious, but they really have no idea what's going on because they don't bother following me or anything.<br><br>There's an employee who works at the liquor store attached to Costco, who is also an old friend of mine from when I used to work a job at a super market. We haven't seen each other in 15 years or so, and we run into each other and he's like "Holy crap is that you?! How long has it been?!" And we chat it up for a while and then I say that I have to go find the cream cheese really quickly and then I'll come back so we can catch up.<br><br>I go get some cream cheese and a few other items, and by that time my friend is busy with customers at the liquor store so I just say "Hi, I've got to go catch up with my friend over there and I'll see you later!"<br><br>I walk over to his section, and I ask him to show me something in a locked case. While he's gone, I stuff a bunch of liquor into my bag and then put a few bottles on top of it. I don't see his coworker notice, but I don't really care.<br><br>He shows me what I want, I buy a bottle of wine (which I actually pay for) and then I leave through the liquor store entrance. I walk out to my car, and nobody else notices. I get in, start the car, and slowly drive out of the parking lot.<br><br>I finally open up my bag, and to my surprise there's way more than I had imagined. I ended up with 2 cases of beer, 3 bottles of wine, a bottle of cognac, a super expensive bottle of Japanese whiskey, a bottle of Cointreau, a bottle of Courvoisier, a huge bottle of Grand Marnier, and a 1.75 liter bottle of Absinthe. There's also a bunch of snacks and a couple of delicious looking cakes. I'm so happy I did this, and I'm still in shock that it worked so well.<br><br>I know that I'm a thief, and I know that I'm dishonest. But I can't help but feel that the world has wronged me. I've given my life to this country. I've sacrificed my health and relationships and dignity just so I could put a roof over my head and have some food to eat. I don't bother people, I don't hurt people, and I mind my own business. I just want a little bit of satisfaction, and if this is what it takes, then fine.<br><br>I'm already planning my next heist.<br><br>Edit: I didn't know this would blow up so quickly. Thanks for all of the support, kindness, and awards, everyone. I really appreciate it.<br><br>To answer a few questions that I'm seeing a lot in the comments:<br><br>1. I didn't steal for the sake of profit. I stole because I'm hungry, I want to eat some tasty food that I can't afford, and I want to have a little bit of fun.<br><br>2. I'm definitely not lazy. I've worked my ass off my whole life, and I still work a full-time job at a hospital. I didn't steal because I don't want to work or because I feel like I deserve a handout. I stole because the system has wronged me, and because I want some justice.<br><br>3. I'm not a drunk or an alcoholic. I occasionally have a drink with friends, but that's about it. There are a few people that I've known for years who I think would appreciate a nice bottle of liquor as a gift, and I'd also like to have some tasty beverages on hand for when I have guests over.<br><br>4. I'm not trying to encourage anybody else to do anything illegal or to disrupt any businesses. This is just something I decided to do for my own enjoyment and satisfaction. I just want to have a good time, and I don't want to bother or harm anybody else.