For those who think heroin is fucking pussy

I am heroin free for 4 days at the moment. Fresh out of rehab. I know I am going to get high again. I am not sure when but I am. Even after 2 weeks spent in a locked psych ward and 4 months on inpatient, I am going to get high again. I am going to go home, drink myself to death, find some dope, scrape together enough money to build my tolerance back up, and immediately have multiple seizures from the first hit. This is because I am a heroin addict, and it is the only thing in my life that I have ever given a shit about. I am not a heroin addict because I am bored or partying or because I am a piece of shit that doesn't care about my life. I am a heroin addict because I was born that way. Even if I somehow identify as being sober at the end of my life, I will still be a heroin addict.<br><br>I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder before I was 10, and was put on antidepressants by age 10. I tried xanax at age 14 and that was the first time I had ever felt normal. I have never been able to organize medication, and haven't tried antidepressants in years now. I don't even know what they were. I have been on anti-anxiety meds briefly in my adult life but they have been moved to PRN (only if you fucking beg). I was introduced to illegal substances in high school but I started drinking and smoking weed before that.<br><br>I started drinking at age 11, was a regular smoker at age 14, and started taking pills by age 14. Xanax, klonopin, valium, narcotics, and amphetamines mostly. I never snorted or smoked anything in high school and was a regular drunk.