I had to sit through a 4 hour church service and watch the video recordings of my fiancé f***ing another woman.

I am finally sitting down at my computer to write this. A lot of this is from memory so forgive me if I don’t remember everything perfectly. It all happened two months ago so it’s all a blur in my head. I also just gave birth to our baby girl 7 weeks ago. <br><br>It all started when my fiancé kept getting texts from an unknown number. He’d always say “oh it’s just work. They need this and that.” It was weird because he’d always tell me everything about work especially if he was going to be on call. I never found out about the texts until I was 7 months pregnant when we watched a YouTube video that told us to always share everything. He showed me his texts and I noticed that unknown number. I confronted him and he tried to brush it off. I kept pushing him about it and I could tell something was up. After a while he told me it was just his mom trying to see if I’d be a loyal wife. I was like “okay”. I didn’t really trust his mom and I honestly don’t like her. <br><br>He kept getting texts from that number the next few weeks and it just so happened his mom was texting and calling me around that same time as well. I would show him the texts and calls and he’d say I was stupid for thinking he was lying to me. He’d never been this mean to me before and it hurt me. I tried explaining to him that I was just worried and didn’t want to lose our family before it was even started. But he would say that I was ruining our family by being insecure. <br><br>Then one day he just randomly accused me of cheating on him. I was shocked. I tried to tell him I wasn’t and that he was the one who cheated. But he told me to shut up and not to try to manipulate him. I was lost.<br>I tried explaining I wasn’t with anyone and I didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t listen. This went on for weeks. He stopped telling me anything about work. He’d come home late or not at all. He’d sleep on the couch. And then I finally hit my breaking point when he said “I don’t even think this baby is mine.” I cried and cried. I just told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I called my mom and she told me she’d be there right away. I told him he needed to leave. I grabbed my hospital bag and left with my mom. <br><br>We stayed at my grandparents for a few days. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have any money. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have an ID. I had nothing because he took everything from me. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about suicide. I thought about running away. I just didn’t know what else to do. <br><br>My grandpa told me I needed to go to church. I haven’t been to church in years. I just stopped going. I really don’t even know why. But I just stopped going as much as I use to. I use to go every Sunday. I finally went to church again. I talked to my pastor. He told me not to worry about anything. He said God was going to take care of everything. I asked him “how?”. He said “you’ll see.” <br><br>Well he was right. Two weeks later I get a call from him. He tells me to come to church because he needed to talk to me. I was confused but I went anyway. I got to church and he had our whole family there. I was even more confused. He told everyone he had something important to tell us. He then proceeded to pull out his phone. I didn’t know what he was doing. But he told everyone that I wasn’t the reason why we broke up. <br><br>He showed everyone video recordings of him meeting up with a woman I’ve never seen before at a hotel. They were in a room. It was the same room my fiancé and I stayed at on our first date. They were on the bed and the woman was asking him all these questions. He was answering her. She asked him “do you think you could ever leave your fiancé?” He said “yeah. I could but I’d have to have a really good reason to.” The woman replied “I think I have a good enough reason for you to leave her.” I couldn’t believe what I was watching. I didn’t recognize the woman. I didn’t know who she was until the very end when she told me who she was. <br><br>I’m going to call the woman Kat. It’s not her real name but just for storytelling purposes. So I’m sitting there watching as Kat and my fiancé are having sex. I couldn’t believe what I was watching. I just kept thinking “this can’t be real. It’s not real.” I thought I was dreaming. I thought this wasn’t really happening. I kept telling myself I was dreaming. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything. I was just sitting there, frozen in my chair, watching my life play out like it was nothing but a movie. <br><br>I just couldn’t believe that 1. He cheated and 2. He admitted to it. I’ve been in a lot of pain. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been hurt. Like I don’t know what else to do. I went from 190 pounds to 130 pounds in months. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel like a stranger. I feel like I’m in a whole different universe than I use to be in. I feel like nothing is the same. <br><br>After the video was done he told everyone he was sorry. He said he was sorry for letting the devil cloud his mind. He said he let greed take over him. He said he was weak and he let sin take over. But he said God loves him and God forgives him. He told me he is willing to work through this. <br><br>I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. I have my mom and my grandparents but I feel so alone in this. I don’t really know what to do. I feel like I’m nothing anymore.