Is it wrong that I hate my daughter for what she did?

So I (33f) was living with my then partner, and we were expecting our first child, our daughter. I had complications during birth, and I lost my ability to walk. We were both devastated. I felt like a failure. My partner left me because I couldn’t help anymore with the house, our finances, or our soon to be newborn. I was placed in a nursing home, and she took our daughter away from me.<br><br>She’s 5 now, and I’ve been trying to get my life together. I’ve been living in a group home with other people, and I’ve been seeing my daughter once a month. She never wants to play with me or sit with me. She just eats her snack, and leaves. Today was different. She wanted to play with me, and I was over the moon with joy.<br><br>She had an appointment with her doctor, and she asked if I could come with her. She hugged me and kissed me, and said, “I want my mommy to come with me. I don’t want you to miss me.” I didn’t want to go because I was afraid of what would happen if we bonded and my ex took her away from me again. I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I was afraid of getting hurt again. So I told her no, and she started screaming at the top of her lungs, and then she hit me. She punched me in my face, and scratched my skin. I told her no again, and she just kept screaming and hitting me. <br><br>I had to be restrained by multiple people, and I ended up having a panic attack. The doctor ended up sedating her, and she had her appointment without me. I’m not sure how to explain this to her. I feel so bad, and I’m not sure what to do. Is it my fault that she hit me? Should I have just let her have her way, even if it meant losing her again? I’m just so confused and heartbroken. I feel like I’ve failed her again, and I don’t know what to do.<br><br>TL;DR: My daughter hit me when I said no, and I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I should have just let her have her way.