I made my girlfriend cry over sex and now I feel like the most horrible person in the world

Update:<br>Me and my girlfriend had a lengthy talk last night about everything. She admitted to me that she found my ex girlfriend’s Pornhub account and saw videos that we had made together. She said she felt like she had to live up to being a “kinky girlfriend” (her words). I was straightforward and told her that me and Courtney had a very different dynamic. That she would not thrive in the dynamic me and Courtney had and that she has different needs and wants. I told her I was honestly a bit upset she pushed me to be rougher with her and then went and told her friend that I was mean during sex when she asked me to be. She did apologize for it. As of right now we both agreed to go to couples counseling as well as she gets solo sessions to work out her fear of speaking up. Until she is able to comfortably express what she likes and doesn’t like, We won’t be having sex and she agreed.<br><br>Also for everybody asking me about my wants or needs, my needs are making sure my girlfriend is happy, safe and healthy. I don’t need to engage in certain sexual activities to get off. I am good with whatever she wants to do and I’m even good if she never wants to have sex again. And no, I’m not breaking up with her.<br><br>And to clarify a few things. I don’t consume porn and haven’t since I was 17? I believe. I don’t care if she wants to switch roles and be the more assertive one in the bedroom. And no, I’m not leaving her. Stop projecting your insecurities on me and stop creating your own narrative on this situation. That’s all.<br><br>-<br><br>Me (23m) and my girlfriend (20f) have been together for about two years. We met through mutual friends and we just hit it off ever since. When we got together, I found out she was a virgin. Now I’ve been in multiple relationships and I like to have kinkier sex. I know with this comes aftercare, reassurance and all that. But when we first started having sex, it was just normal. Nothing crazy and I wanted her first few times to be special and intimate.<br><br>Well as our relationship progressed she wanted to try out some of the things I liked. We did have a lengthy talk about it before we tried anything. I told her I needed her to understand that if she was uncomfortable or scared or just didn’t like something, she needed to tell me right away. She said she understood and we started letting loose a little. Well, last night we were having sex and I was going a bit rougher than I usually do and she started crying. I was taken aback because she didn’t say anything about stopping. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was sorry for crying and she didn’t mean to. I asked her multiple times if she was okay and if I should stop but she said no, to keep going that it felt good and she was sorry again. <br><br>I couldn’t keep going. I got up and had a massive panic attack. She was crying in bed and I couldn’t even go to comfort her because I felt like such a horrible person. She called her friend and was talking about how mean I was during sex and how I just “did what I wanted”. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t have just said to stop. I feel so horrible and I just can’t stop thinking about how I made her cry and she told me to keep going. I just can’t think that she’d rather cry than tell me to stop and I feel like such a horrible person.<br><br>I just don’t understand and I feel so horrible.<br><br>Edit: Reading the comments is only making me feel worse. I know I didn’t Force anything on her and I was Werner than I wrote here. This went on for months before this happened. I just feel so horrible that she felt the need to cry and tell me to keep going. I feel like the most horrible person in the world.<br><br>Edit 2: I think there’s a lot of miscommunication here. I never called her degrading names, I never Urinated on her or made her bleed. It was rough sex but not to the point where I’m concerned she’s in pain. I just was going faster, holding her tighter, things like that. I think some people are getting the wrong idea of what happened here.