I went camping, some dude tried to rape me, and all anyone wants to talk about is how I fended him off.

Instead of all the rape apologists inviting themselves into my DMs, I thought I would address my story here. Here’s the addendum that everyone has been asking for. I wasn’t in the headspace to do this sooner. Just putting that out there. <br><br>I was attacked and almost raped. I’m a victim of a terrible crime. I’m not the villain here, I’m not a murderer, and I didn’t do anything deserving of death. Fuck anyone who says otherwise, with no exceptions.<br><br>When I was checked out by medical staff, I sought support from the rape crisis centre. I have been accepted into counselling, and I won’t be making any statements about the attacker to the media. I have been assured his family and friends will not be told my name or see my posts. <br><br>The reason I didn’t simply leave the campsite and head home is that I believed the guy who attacked me was still out there. I didn’t want to risk being alone in my car with him. I wanted to get home safely, and I wanted to get a report filed. Now I’m being called a liar for not leaving right away. The truth is, I was terrified. I was in the midst of a melt down and I just wanted to go home. When you are in that headspace, your brain just fixes on one thing and you can’t think of anything else. When car crash victims see a timeline of events of their accident, they usually remark that their perception of time and memory of events is warped. Anyone who has experienced any trauma will probably say the same thing. I’m not saying that all people who have been in car accidents are the same as someone who was attacked, I’m saying our brains work similarly in the face of trauma. I dealt with what I needed to deal with. And I got home safely. <br><br>What I did to defend myself is my own business, and I don’t owe anyone details. There is no need to ask further questions. The police have all the details necessary to catch this guy. They didn’t need anything from me, because I’m just a victim and not a suspect. I don’t owe anyone anything. The only people who do are the police. They owe me justice. <br><br>I’m sick of men telling me what they would do in my shoes, or what they would do to me if I was the attacker. I’m sick of people saying I’m a sociopath, a narcissist, a psychopath, a serial killer, a murderer. I’ve never blocked so many people in my life. If you want to debate what I should have done, or whether or not I am capable of feeling empathy, you can do that elsewhere. I’m not entitled to the same compassion as a victim of any other crime. I don’t have the right to remain silent or offer any insight to the attack without being judged. I’m not allowed to assert myself and I’m not allowed to ask for space. I don’t need to be interrogated. I have the right to say no to any conversations. I’m sick of being lectured by people who have no idea what the aftermath of a traumatic event can do to a person. <br><br>I’m done with people telling me how I feel. I’m done with people second guessing what I saw in the moment, or what I did to save my own life. You don’t live inside my head, you don’t know how I feel and you don’t know what I saw that night. I’ve been told I need to man up and give details, so that the world can move on from this. I’ve been told that I owe the world an explanation, that I owe the world justice, that I owe the world closure. I don’t owe anyone anything. No victim owes anyone anything, period. We aren’t obligated to answer questions, talk to people, or offer insight. I’ve talked to authorities, I’ve talked to medical staff, I talked torape crisis centre, and I’ve talked to a psychologist. That’s all I need to do. That’s all I’m obligated to do. I’m done with the pressure of being interrogated and being expected to talk and talk and talk. <br><br>A lot of people have said that the way I defended myself was the “wrong” way. I’ve been inundated with messages telling me what I should have done instead. I’ve been told that I’m unempathetic towards the guy who was shot. I’ve been told I owe his family an apology, that I owe him an apology. I don’t owe anyone an apology, but I do owe myself an apology. I owe myself an apology for not believing in myself. I was too afraid to take a self defence class after my ex psychologically and physically abused me. I didn’t want to be viewed as a “slut” or a “bitch.” I was afraid my family, friends, and coworkers would view me differently. I owe myself an apology for believing the stigma surrounding self defence. No one should feel the way I felt when it came to learning how to defend myself. This is the worlds fault, not mine. I was just an unsuspecting victim. <br><br>I will be taking a self defence class, because I deserve to feel empowered enough to believe in myself. I will never again doubt my ability to defend myself. I owe myself an apology for not sticking up for myself when I was being abused and gaslit. I owe myself an apology for not standing up to my bullies at school. No one can call me weak now, and if they do I will never see it. <br><br>I’m not a bad person for defending myself, and I will not be made to feel that way. I will not be made to feel guilty, and I will not be made to feel like I owe anyone anything. This is the worlds fault. They created the stigma surrounding self defence. They made me scared to take a self defence class. They made me feel like I was somehow responsible for my own abuse because I didn’t want to learn to defend myself. They made me feel weak for not standing up to my abusers. I don’t owe anyone an apology, least of all my abusers. <br><br>I was told by medical staff that I displayed signs of PTSD, and I’ve been referred to a psychologist. When I admitted that I wasn’t sorry that the guy who attacked me is dead, I was told I displayed signs of psychopathy and antisocial behaviours. I’ve been referred to a different psychologist, who saw me the following day. I talked about my childhood, I answered all the questions, and when I admitted that I wasn’t sorry that the guy who attacked me is dead, they just nodded and wrote some notes down. I asked what it meant, and they told me it meant I needed more counselling. I asked what for, and they said PTSD. They asked me if I felt bad for not feeling bad for the guy. I said no, and they said that was a good thing. I’m not a sociopath because I’m not sorry that the guy who attacked me is dead. I don’t owe anyone an apology for defending myself. I don’t owe anyone an apology for surviving an attack. I don’t owe anyone an apology for not feeling remorse for the guy who attacked me. <br><br>If you want to try and flora my replies with your shitty takes, you will be ignored. If you have any questions about self defence, you can ask them without mentioning my name.<br><br>Edit: Please be warned that this account may be banned soon. If you’d like to follow me on other platforms, or trade chat details, please do so before that happens. I just want to say I appreciate all the support that I, and others, have received since my story came out. I hate that I am the poster child for feminism and self defence, because I don’t see myself as a feminist and I’m not qualified to talk about self defence. Both of those things are important to me, but it’s not something I’m educated enough to talk about. I just want anyone who is doubting themselves to read this and know that you are not alone. Like I said, I’m not the villain. I didn’t deserve what happened to me. I should have been believed without question. I hope that, in the future, everyone will receive that. <br><br>I also want to reiterate that I don’t give permission to anyone to use my story to promote their own agendas. From anarchism to body armour, I am not a sales pitch. I am a person, and I deserve the respect of being seen as a person.