Memo to the Chinese Communist Party: if you want to win the hearts and minds of the British public then you really, really need to seek professional advice.

Half of Reddit seems to believe that this sub is controlled by paid Chinese Government Trolls. It's not, we just get bored and seek out the wackiest takes. But, we have encountered an awful lot of Chinese propaganda on the way here. It is so bad, it's actually hilarious. In fact, it's so bad that I'm beginning to think that Chinese Communists really, really need to seek some professional advice to avoid being laughed out of the room. I mean, if we laugh at them, the Chinese public will laugh at them too, and they don't like that.<br><br>I'm a Brit and I've never had any dealings with any Chinese State or Communist organisations. I've no idea whether there's any truth to the stories about concentration camps, torture, forced sterilisations or other human rights abuses. I just know that I don't like it. And I'm not alone. So the CCP probably want to try to change that. Maybe they want to influence the hearts and minds of the British public? Maybe they want to manipulate British public opinion? Maybe they want to make us love China? Well, if that's what they want to do then they are going about it completely the wrong way. And they really, really, really need some professional advice.<br><br>It's probably impossible for any organisation to seek professional communications advice if that organisation is incapable of criticism. If you don't accept that you're wrong, then you're not going to ask for help. But, just in case they do, please forward this post to Xi Jinping, or any other member of the Chinese Communist Party who might be interested.<br><br> <br><br>Dear Xi Jinping (or whoever), <br><br> <br><br>Your social media game is weak. If you want to influence hearts and minds then you need to do a lot better than this. And you need to take professional advice.<br><br> <br><br>Influencing public opinion is difficult, but it is even harder when the Chinese public are not allowed to use the same social media platforms as the rest of the world. But, that's OK, you can still get your message out there. And you do. Every single day. Millions and millions of messages to millions and millions of people all over the world. So why does your message fall flat? Why do we laugh at everything you say? Why do we not take you seriously?<br><br> <br><br>Well, there are a lot of reasons why your social media game is weak. And here are some of them:<br><br> <br><br>* **You don't understand your audience**. If you want to influence somebody then you need to know what makes them tick. You need to understand their core beliefs, their sense of humour and their values. Because if you don't understand your audience then you will come across as an outsider. You will come across as a "troll". As a good rule of thumb, humans don't like trolls. They tend to hate them. And a lot of Chinese social media accounts are trolls.<br>* **You lack self-awareness**. Self-awareness is very, very important. If you want to influence people then you need to know yourself. You need to know what makes you tick. Your need to know what makes you look like a troll. If you don't know yourself, then you've got no chance of knowing your audience. And that's exactly what the Chinese Communist Party is lacking. They have no idea why people laugh at their propaganda.<br>* **You don't take criticism well. Ever.** If you can't take criticism then you will always lack self-awareness. No criticism or dissent is allowed in China. If you want to influence a Western democracy, then you need to get used to being laughed at. If you can't handle being laughed at, then you might as well pack up now and go home. When the Chinese Communist Party is laughed at, they don't seek feedback or try to improve. They just get angry and defensive. They sulk. They stamp their feet and shout at people to stop. They call us racists, bigots and imperialists. They threaten us with all sorts of things. They say that we're jealous. We're jealous of China's success. We're jealous of China's system of government. We're jealous because China is better than us. Well, if we are jealous, then we've got a funny way of showing it. We laugh. And then we move on with our lives. Because we're just trolls. We love to wind people up. And the Chinese Government can be wound up so, so easily. It's actually boring. And if you can't take being laughed at, then just give up now.<br>* **You spam. Oh God, you spam so, so much.** Most people don't like spammers. They see them as outsiders. As trolls. So if you want to influence people then you need to engage with them, not spam them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Answer their questions. Be interesting. Be funny. Don't just send them the same message over and over and over again. If you want to engage with people then you need to actually *engage* with them. You need to be a part of a conversation. If you want people to talk to you, then you need to seek out their advice. If you want people to listen to you, then you need to listen to them first. Don't talk *at* people, talk *to* people.<br>* **You lack a sense of humour.** If you want to engage with people then you need to have a sense of humour. You need to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can't laugh at yourself, then you can't laugh at all. People who can't laugh at themselves are boring. We avoid them. We don't want to talk to them. We don't want to hear what they have to say. Because they're boring. They're self-important. They're pompous. If you want to influence people, then you need to be interesting. And if you can't laugh at yourself, then you're not interesting. You're boring. And that's why we laugh at the Chinese Government. Because they're boring. They're so, so boring. And they're incapable of listening to good advice. Because if they listened to good advice, then they might just have to change. And they don't like that.<br>* **Your lies are obvious.** If you want to influence people then you need to tell the truth. You need to be honest. If you're not honest, then you're a spammer. A troll. An outsider. If you want to engage with people, then you need to build trust. If you can't build trust, then you can't engage with people. And if you can't engage with people, then you can't influence them. It's that simple. Just be honest.<br>* **You're inconsistent.** If you want to engage with people, then you need to be consistent. You need to be yourself. You need to be authentic. If you're not authentic, then you're a spammer. A troll. You're not interesting. You're boring. No one wants to talk to you. No one wants to listen to you. No one wants to hear what you have to say. Because you're not authentic. You're fake. You're boring. And the Chinese Communist Party are boring. They're fake. They're not authentic. They're not interesting.<br>* **You don't understand how to use humour.** If you want to influence people then you really, really need to understand how to use humour. If you don't understand how to use humour, then you're boring. And you're not interesting. And you're not influential. Nobody likes boring people. Nobody wants to talk to boring people. Nobody wants to listen to boring people. Nobody wants to hear what boring people have to say. Because they're boring. They're not interesting. And they're not influential. Just look at theistine Chinese comedy show. It's not funny. It's boring. People don't want to watch it. They don't want to laugh at it. Because it's not interesting. It's not funny. It's boring. Just like the Chinese Government. Just like the Chinese Communist Party.<br>* **You're incapable of nuance.** If you want to engage with people, then you need to be nuanced. You need to be clever. You need to be interesting. If you're not nuanced, then you're boring. You're not clever. You're not interesting. Nobody likes boring people. Nobody wants to talk to boring people. Nobody wants to listen to boring people. Nobody wants to hear what boring people have to say. Because they're boring. They're not interesting. Because they're not nuanced. They're not clever. And that's why we laugh at the Chinese Government. They're not nuanced. They're not clever. They're boring.<br>* **You don't understand core Western values.** I don't know if this is true in other countries, but in the UK we have a bunch of core values