I want to fuck my girlfriend while she's asleep

Before I get this issue clarified, I just want to mention that I have already googled the concept and I know that it is considered rape. I do not plan to make any sexual contact with her without her consent.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>I (18M) have been in a relationship with my gf (22F) for almost 2 years. She is a very loving and caring person and is always there for me. About 2 months ago, she admitted that she used to abuse drugs and used to party a lot beforehand. I mentioned that she has absolutely no problem with doing stuff that I find embarrassing. When I shortly mentioned my secret wish of having sex with her while she is asleep, she didn't show any interest. And I don't dare to ask her again because it felt like I asked her to do something disgusting.<br><br>I know that I should be content with having an amazing gf that is so caring and loving. But this has been on my mind for years. I am so frustrated that I don't want to get out of my bed anymore and I don't want to have sex either. I don't dare to talk to her about this anymore and I also know that I shouldn't do this, of course, I don't want to hurt or abuse her.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>I just wanted to write this down because I felt the need to talk about it and don't know who else to ask.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>\*\*\*\*\*\*\*<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>UPDATE:<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>When I arrived home today, I was still broken by my confession and didn't see the point in staying in a relationship that would never fulfill all my desires. I told my gf that she can decide if she wants to keep the relationship alive or not. If so, I would absolutely accept that and would never shortly mention it again or bring it to her attention. But if she wanted to break up with me, I totally understood and would do everything for her to be happy.<br><br>She tried to talk me into telling her what was going on and I was so confused that I started to cry. I confessed everything, but made it very clear that I would never do this because I knew that it was wrong. She smiled, thanked me for not wanting to do it and we talked. She told me that she would love to fulfill this secret wish of mine but admitted that she was already traumatized by being raped in her dreams. She absolutely wanted to fulfill this wish and would do everything to feel comfortable with it.<br><br>So we will take our time and work on this together. Thank you so much for your great support and advice. I am really happy that we can work this issue out and I want to thank you all for your great support and advice.<br><br>&#x200B;