You wake up an hour earlier than you normally do. You sleep in the same bed as your partner and your infant child. Why?

Some background: <br><br>The world went to shit, of course. You can't have a baby without a world, but we had a good run. Technology was moving towards a more utopian society, but people just went and fucked it. The war was over in a few months, but during that time a rogue country decided to blast high-powered microwaves at the entire globe, taking out every computer chip in the world.<br><br>The few who remained banded together and worked hard to rebuild. There was a brief period of violence, but it died down when people realized that the big bad government wasn't taking their guns and freedom. Now, we just want to live. <br><br>I've always been a bit of a prepper (I assumed that a pandemic was the more likely route we'd take), and my wife and I planned ahead. Shortly after the war, we moved to a remote area and built a small cabin. It is completely off the grid, sporting solar panels and solutions to every other problem we could think of.<br><br>The only problem: baby.<br><br>We weren't going to let that stop us. Nine months later, we had a healthy baby boy. With the stress of the world gone to hell and taking care of a kid in the woods, we absolutely needed sleep. Since my wife converts milk to food better than I do, I do all the night time duties. We built a traditional cradle into one of the walls of our bedroom. Our baby loves to sleep like this since it is nice and cozy. Since he is just an infant, we decided to teach him that crying is the best way to get attention, since it may save his life later in life. Right now, however, it is an inconvenience. <br><br>The only thing worse than a crying baby is an exploding baby. We decided to circumvent this issue by strapping a 12 volt supercapacitor to the ceiling above the cradle. This supercap has been charged to several thousand volts and has a current limiting resistor on it, so our kid won't be disintegrated instantly and the house won't burn down. Instead, our baby will just get a healthy dose of ozone and a nasty burn marks. He is also strapped down so he can't roll out before the supercap is fully discharged. <br><br>To stop him from crying, we have a computer controlled system to automatically change diapers and feed him. We also have a little robotic arm which holds a pacifier to his lips when he is upset. If all else fails, we will be woken by the sound of his wails. Since babies don't throw up often and he's still young, we decided to use a high pitched sonic device. It is just as loud and ear piercing as a smoke alarm and will ensue that we wake as quickly as possible. <br><br>This is where the sleeping in the same bed as our kid comes in. We heard it is good to have your kid sleep in the same room as you for the first two years. We currently don't have the money to expand our cabin, so we decided to stack the beds. We are in the top bunk, the kid is in the bottom. Since there is a six foot drop between us, we need to wake up fast if we don't want to crush our child.<br><br>To ensure we have the best chance possible, we have installed high speed railgun catapults. These rails are powered by a huge bank of supercapacitors which are charged by the solar panels. The rails are pointed at the bed, with the front of the rails just barely clearing the bed spread. All we need to do is get up in the middle of the night and all 3 of us will be shot across the room at 100 miles per hour. This system also provides the added bonus of making sure our baby doesn't grow up afraid of heights. <br><br>These are how you, me, my wife, and my kid wake up at 4 am instead of 5.