I (35m) love my girlfriend (33f) but I feel like she’s leaving me and it hurts

Throwaway account, because I don’t want this on any of my main accounts. <br><br>I’m 35 years old, my girlfriend is 33. We’ve been together for 18+ months. We met online. We’re both confident, good looking people. I know that she’s with me for the right reasons and I believe she actually loves me. <br><br>I think there’s just a baseline lack of interest in her that I can’t help. I can’t explain it. We have a good time together, we talk a lot, we’re very physically attracted to each other. It’s just that baseline « why the fuck am I still wasting my time with this bitch? ». « Why am I allowing this person to have this much power and control over my life? ». I feel like I can’t explain it to anyone, because they’ll immediately assume I’m just being a chad and I’m bored with her, I don’t like her that much, I just don’t want to be locked down / don’t want to « loose freedom ». <br><br>And that’s not it at all. I like her a lot, I get along with her well, we have great communication, we’re great at conflict resolution, we have a great time together, she’s very supportive of me. But I can just feel it in my bones that she’s leaving, so I just feel like objectively I’m just wasting my fucking time. <br><br>I don’t know, man, I feel lost. I’ve been deep into MGTOW for the last year, it makes sense to me, I feel like I want to do it. I’ve never had a relationship that ever felt fulfilling or worth it, with the exception of this one. I know she loves me, and she’s just a generally really good person and relationship partner. But I just feel like she’s leaving me and there’s nothing I can do about it. <br><br>There’s just objectively certain baseline things I find unattractive about her, and I think she feels the same about me, so I feel like it’s only a matter of time before she leaves. I love her completely and I know objectively she’s an amazing woman, but I’m just not attracted to certain things about her and I’ve learned you can’t overcome certain things you aren’t attracted to (example, height, voice, race, body type) and I think she feels the same about me. I don’t think we will ever be each other’s « type ». <br><br>I don’t get why I even bother, man. Dating is objectively a waste of time, marriage is just a waste of time and money, women are just there to hurt you, that « special someone » is a total fucking myth and it’s objectively stupid to believe in it. I know I should just give up, but it hurts, man. <br><br>Why bother?