Thanksgiving suicide

This isn't a suicide threat. I don't really have any suicide plans. But suicide is a tempting option for me. I can usually shake the feeling off but today it is worse than usual. I don't really have any close friends. I haven't been on any dates in a while. I have literally no social plans this Thanksgiving. I'm a bit over 40 pounds over weight. I don't have much money. I literally have no idea how I would get laid. I've had this feeling for years. I've tried to literally do anything. I've lost weight, re-gained it, gone to the gym for years, changed my diet, gotten a different car, changed my clothes, changed my hair. I've read study after study. I have done everything I can. Today the feeling is just worse. I literally can't imagine the next 20 years. I feel so physically ugly that I don't know how to look in the mirror. I've had this feeling for 15 years. I literally can't look at myself. <br><br>I've tried therapy, I've been on medication for years. I've tried to join clubs, groups, and meet people. I've tried anything and everything. I've read countless articles, papers, studies, etc. I've tried so hard for so long. I literally can't look at myself. I can't talk to people. I can't do anything. I don't know what to do. I'm 37 years old and I feel so bad. The thought of sleeping on my futon for the next 20 years alone is literally so depressing. I literally can't imagine how I would have literally any happiness in life. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything.