Every night, my girlfriend wakes me up to tell the exact same joke, and I've started to notice things about it.

We’ve been together nine months now, but her dad still doesn’t like me. Maybe it’s because of the incident that happened at his Christmas party, maybe it’s because of what happened afterwards, maybe it’s for a completely different reason, but he doesn’t like me. Not one little bit.<br><br>Christmas was great. Other than my obvious participation, it was everything you’d expect a Christmas party to be, with mulled wine and carols and a big tree in the corner with flashing lights on. In fact, I was having a really great time, and my girlfriend, Rachel, was having a great time too. We did have to leave a little early, though.<br><br>It started with her dad. He asked me if I’d like some wine, but I told him I didn’t drink. He asked me why not and I explained that I’d been an alcoholic for a few years when I was teenager.<br><br>Then he asked if I’d like to hear a joke.<br><br>*The most beautiful woman in the world goes to a bar, is served a drink by the most handsome bartender in the world, and then gets greeted by the most charming man in the world. There are three keystones holding up the most beautiful arch in the world above them. The first is that however beautiful a woman is, she will always want to be more beautiful. The second is that however handsome a man is, he will always want to be more handsome. And the third is that however sturdy an arch is, it will always collapse given sufficient weight.*<br><br>Then Rachel stepped in. She said that wasn’t really much of a joke, and I agreed. Her father just chuckled and said that I’d get the joke eventually, I’d just have to be patient.<br><br>He got progressively more and more irritating throughout the night, but I held in my irritation as long as I could. We ended up leaving after her father told me that however happy a couple is, it will always collapse given sufficient weight.<br><br>I missed the beginning of what he said next, but the end was, “…and it’s going to have to collapse sometime.”<br><br>I told Rachel what he’d said, and she said not to worry about it. Said he’d always been a bit of a prick, and that I’d have to get used to it if I wanted to be with her. I told her I did, and she smiled. We made up a story to tell people about why we’d left, and made a mental note not to mention her dad’s strange behaviour. We went to bed, and that was when I discovered the real problem.<br><br>I woke up at three am to Rachel shaking me and my heart pounding in my chest. It took me a moment to remember that we weren’t in my house, and I was groggy enough not to wonder how I’d ended up there. Rachel that is, not the house.<br><br>Rachel was sat bolt upright with wide eyes. She looked straight at me and cocked her head to the side, as though she was listening to something. She started to speak in monotone, her voice devoid of any emotion.<br><br>*The most beautiful woman in the world goes to a bar, is served a drink by the most handsome bartender in the world, and then gets greeted by the most charming man in the world. There are three keystones holding up the most beautiful arch in the world above them. The first is that however beautiful a woman is, she will always want to be more beautiful. The second is that however handsome a man is, he will always want to be more handsome. And the third is that however sturdy an arch is, it will always collapse given sufficient weight.*<br><br>I reacted on instinct as much as anything else. I shook Rachel, told her to go back to sleep, and then lay back. It was then that I remembered the events of the night. I looked at Rachel again, and was certain that she was asleep. After a moment, I actually did fall back to sleep, and it was only when I woke in the morning that I realised I’d actually been greeted by her while she was asleep.<br><br>That was the first time it happened, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought it had just been a strange once-off, and that Rachel had maybe picked it up from her dad. It was only when we were back at my flat, three days later, that I discovered it wasn’t a once off.<br><br>Three became five, and five became seven. I started to dread going to sleep every night, because I knew that it would only be a few hours before Rachel woke me up again. I started to dread her father, too, because I knew that he was somehow connected to the whole thing, and I started to dread Rachel herself, too, because of what she had become. Not that she was in control of it, most of the time. At least, I hope she wasn’t.<br><br>The first time I saw her during the day, she was beautiful, and I loved her for it. The next time I saw her, she was even more beautiful, and I loved her more. Now, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and I am utterly consumed by my own love for her.<br><br>I know that her father is connected to it all. I have to. It can’t just be a coincidence. He gave her some sort of powers, powers to make herself appear more beautiful, to make people love her more.<br><br>But there’s a catch, somehow. There has to be. The joke has to mean something, even if it’s actually funny this time. And I’ve realised something about it, something important.<br><br>However beautiful a woman is, she will always want to be more beautiful. However handsome a man is, he will always want to be more handsome. However sturdy an arch is, it will always collapse given sufficient weight.<br><br>That’s my problem, you see. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world, and I am utterly consumed by my own love for her, but the most beautiful arch in the world is still holding.