I never understood bullying until I became a victim

I never understood bullying in school. I never understood why it was such a big deal. Why it made kids not want to go to school. Why it was so hard on some kids. I never understood it. I never had a bully. I was a bully. I used to prey on weaker kids, like the fat girl, or the ugly girl, or the awkward boy. I used to make fun of their clothes or how they looked. I used to call them names. I used to tell them they should kill themselves. I used to think it was funny. I was wrong. I'm a 6th grade English teacher. I have one co-teacher, we split classes 50/50. My kids come to me twice a day, and I send them to her twice a day. I get to see every 6th grader, every day. I love my job. I love those kids. I never say a bad word about any of them to other teachers or adults. I don't do it because I want them to like me or respect me, I do it because I know some teachers don't like kids and will bully them or treat them poorly. I don't do it because I think the kids won't hear. I don't do it because kids will think I'm cool. I do it because the kids deserve better. Kids deserve teachers who are understanding and compassionate and empathetic. Kids deserve teachers who are like parents. Parents who want the best for their kids. Parents who want their kids to be successful. Parents who want their kids to be happy. Parents who want their kids to feel safe. I want all of that for all of my kids, and I try my hardest to make it happen. I truly believe I am the only teacher in the school who does this. Who would do this. No one else likes the kids. No other teacher would do this for them. I think I might be the only one in the school who actually likes the kids. I always do my best to help them. I want them to feel like they can trust me. I always want them to feel safe. Some kids don't like me. They think I'm a bitch. I work too hard. My classes are too hard. I yell too much. I give too many detentions. I'm too serious. I'm too strict. That's okay. I don't need the kids to like me, I need them to respect me. I need them to be ready for high school. I need them to do well on the state tests. I need them to learn. I only want the best for all of the kids. I never understood bullying. I never understood why it was such a big deal. I never understood why it made kids not want to go to school. I never understood why it was so hard on some kids. I never understood it. I never had a bully. I was a bully. I was a good teacher. I still am. I still truly love and care for my kids. I still want the best for them. I do my best to help them. They can still trust me. They can still feel safe with me. I still talk good about them. I still don't want them to feel bad about themselves. I still want them to do well. I still want them to be ready. I still hope they learn. But now, I understand why it's a big deal. I understand why it makes kids not want to go to school. I understand why it's so hard on some kids. I understand why it's so hard. I understand why it hurts. I understand why it's not easy to walk away. I understand why it's not easy to tell someone. I understand why it's not easy to move on. I'm not a bully anymore. I have a bully. And it changed my view on everything.

I never understood bullying until I became a victim

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