I got a message

I recently got a message from a guy who I used to talk to last year, complaining about how mean I was to him. I don't remember what exactly happened, but I know I was in a very low place at that time and I was being very mean to everyone at that time. So many people that I actually loved very much that I destroyed because of that and I'm not proud of that.<br><br>I do not condone abuse.<br><br>Anyway, I was in a very low place, so I am going to try to give my side of the story of this one. I am not trying to protect him, I just want to give the whole story.<br><br>So this guy came into my life. He was 18 at the time, and I was 22. He was very immature, but I'm also immature so I can tell when someone is immature and I understand it. Back then, I was in a very low place so I was being mean to everyone, but he would blow up at me and be rude to me multiple times a day. I remember at one point I told him something like, "I don't talk to people like this and I don't like being talked to like that." He would always apologize and say he was just being sensitive or dramatic or whatever.<br><br>At first, when he told me that, I would always just accept the apology because I was still in a low place and I just wanted to be loved. He knew that.<br><br>Anyway, he was a very immature person and I think he was very unstable at the time. His best friend was a girl, and I was just his friend. Anyway, things were going well, and he would just get angry at me without a reason, and start cussing at me. I remember he cussed at me so many times, and I just took it. Then I would retaliate by being mean. We were both in a low place and it was a very toxic situation, and I'm not proud of it.<br><br>We had a phone conversation for the first time, and he said that he wanted to be with me, and he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was conflicted because he was being mean to me, but at the same time he had grown on me so much. I think I said something like, "I don't want to be your girlfriend because I'm a girl, and I'm not going to let you talk to me like that." I don't remember how he responded. I do remember that he said things like, "I love you," and "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," all the time.<br><br>I do remember he was very clingy. He wouldn't stop saying things like, "I love you so much," and "You're so beautiful," and other things like that. I don't know how to explain it, but I think he was also gaslighting me because he kept telling me that I was pretty, and that I was the best thing that's ever happened to him, and all this stuff. When he called me, he would always start with, "Hello, beautiful."<br><br>I don't know how to explain, but when he said all that stuff, it kind of made me feel good. It made me feel loved, but at the same time, it made me feel like I had to answer to him, and that I couldn't leave the house without him knowing. He would literally ask me where I was going every time I said I was going anywhere. I don't know how to explain, but being around him was a very toxic and controlling environment.<br><br>I think I was also just lonely, but anyway.<br><br>I do remember that he would get angry at me a lot, and he would constantly apologize, but he always told me he loved me. I don't know if this is a common thing with men or whatever, but he was very touchy and he would constantly touch me. He would always hug me and kiss me. I don't know how to explain it, but when he touched me, it was like he was claiming ownership or something. I have no idea what that means, but I think he was being possessive or something.<br><br>So yeah, I'm moving on. I don't know how to explain, but he just kept blowing up at me and being rude to me, and I'm a very sensitive person. It's not uncommon for me to break down and cry when people scream at me or yell at me or say bad things about me. I think he was very immature and he would always apologize and he would always say he loved me, but he kept doing it.<br><br>So I ended up lashing out at him, and I was very mean. I remember at one point I called him a "fuckin piece of shit," and I told him to "fuck off."<br><br>So I don't think I was completely in the wrong.<br><br>I don't know how to explain, but I think he was toxic and I think he needed help. I do feel bad about how I treated him, but I'm just glad I don't talk to him anymore.