I do the one thing I shouldn't do, and I'm the one who has to pay.

He says I shouldn't have lied to him and committed a crime, but he's the one who was never home. He's the one who would come through the door at 2 in the morning, stinking of booze and the perfume of strange women. He's the one who was sure I'd never notice. He's the one who beat me up when he found out... but he also beat me up when he thought I had lied to him. It's confusing, but I know I'm the bad one here. I did something wrong. I should have told him the truth, but I was afraid. I was just so fucking afraid. I couldn't bear the thought of him hitting me again, so I lied. I lied and committed a crime.<br><br>I feel so ashamed. He's not wrong, I know I did something wrong. I'm just sick of getting hurt. I'm ready to be punished, I know I have it coming. I should have just confessed to not having any experience under my belt, but I didn't want him to do it to me again. I would feel such shame and guilt if he knew I was a virgin until he got me. He would never let me live it down, and that would be a never-ending hell. I'm so scared of what I've done. I just want to make it right. I don't want to go to jail, I just wanted to get away from him. I'm so sorry, I just want it all to go away.