I'm grieving for the loss of my youthful beauty and grieving for the loss of my mental health

I'm a 29 year old woman. Today I turned 29 so I decided to record myself because I know I'll never be 29 again ever. I felt there was something different about me. Then I compared my 29 year old self to my 19 year old self and I felt like crying. I was so fucking beautiful when I was 19. I was a fucking goddess. Now I'm a corpse. <br><br>I'm so fucking angry and hurt and sad. I feel like I lost something that I cannot get back. I'm so fucking grieving for the loss of my youth and beauty. I'm sad that I'll never be young again. My mental health has suffered greatly because I can't do anything to make myself look younger than I am. I've gained weight. I don't have the energy that I had. I'm grieving the loss of my youthful beauty and my mental health. I don't know how people cope with that. I know people get older and life has to go on but I'm so fucking sad that I'll never be young again. I'm so fucking tired. Everything feels futile and pointless. I just want to go back to when I was younger and healthier. I just want to feel like I felt when I was 19. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel energetic. I want to feel like beauty is there without me having to put on makeup. I'm so grieving for the loss of my youth and beauty.<br><br>I don't know if there is ever an end to this grieving for the loss of my youth and beauty. It feels like the wound that is the loss of my beauty and youth and mental health will never heal. I don't know if it ever gets better. I don't know if I will ever feel better about myself. I'm just so tired of being everything other than my best self. I'm tired of grieving for the loss of my youth and beauty.