My (40m) wife (39f) admitted to me she got pregnant by another man and then miscarried. I am devastated beyond belief. What do I do?

Been married for 16 years with 3 kids together and on the way to our 4th.<br><br>She's been my best friend my entire life, we met each other as kids. I love this woman so much with my entire heart.<br><br>Three weeks ago, I came home from work early to surprise her with just some small gifts and to take her and our kids out for dinner. But when I walked in the house I saw her crying in the bathroom, holding the pregnancy test in her hand. When I asked her what was up, she told me she was sad because she had miscarried. I was very sympathetic and I was preparing to break the news about it to our kids but she started crying more frantically and eventually confessed to me she had been having an affair and that the baby was the affair partner's. She told me she didn't know she was pregnant until a few weeks ago when she took a test at her gyno appointment after she starting feeling sick. She said that the affair had been going for three months and ended the day she found out she was pregnant. When she told me all of this, I just went silent and left the house to go to a park. I didn't even have the strength to tell her I was leaving, my body just reacted and I left. When I came back a few hours later, she told me she was sorry and that she didn't know what came over her when she met him. She said she loved me more than anything and she didn't know what she was doing and she can't even begin to understand why she cheated and further, why she didn't end it when she found out she was pregnant. She said she didn't even love the guy she was with, and that she was suicidal when she found out she was pregnant with his baby.<br><br>I was so stunned by it all I didn't even say a word. I felt my entire world came crashing down. Later that night, she told me she wishes she would have just gotten an abortion. I snapped at her when she said this and told her how disgusting that comment was and that she should be grateful the miscarriage happened or she would have been in a whole lot of trouble if it had been my decision.<br><br>It's been three weeks since then. I've been sleeping at my brother's for almost two weeks and only came back home for our kids. I have no idea how we're going to work this out. I spent almost everyday last week suicidal. I feel spacey and manic and just lost right now. I want her gone forever but my kids love her so much. Honestly I'm just on the fence about staying together. How would I even begin to heal from this? She offered to do anything to make things right and offered to go to therapy. I don't even know where to begin. Honestly I'm on the fence about staying together. How would I trust her again? Even if I do, how would I not think about this every time we're together? I don't even know how to speak to her I've barely said a word to her since I found out.