One day my niece came to the house and said “Your gardener is creepy but really hot”. It was me.

I had just moved to Texas with my father after my mother had passed away. I had helped him get setup and was working on the house - new floors, painting, a new yard. <br><br>I had already gotten to know the neighbors, so one day when I was out mowing the lawn all I heard was “Your gardener is creepy, but really hot. Is he your dad’s new boyfriend?” from my niece Rachel. <br><br>Our house and the neighbors house were close and the lawn was being mowed with a push mower, so I was right next to their house as they were saying this. When I turned around they were right there. <br><br>One was Rachel, who is 17. And her sister, Allie, was 14 and both had these perfect, long, red hair. They both had piercing green eyes and their lips were pink and plump. I thought the both of them were absolutely beautiful. <br><br>I smiled at them, said “That’s your uncle” and went back to work. They went into their house. <br><br>All I could think of at that point was “They think I’m hot.” It gave me a little spring in my step. I was 28 at the time - 11 years older than Rachel - and was freshly single. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d start dating again. <br><br>I finished up my work that day and went inside. I tried to forget about it, but I couldn’t. I thought of those piercing green eyes and that red hair. I never had a preference, but now I was sold on the idea of redheads. <br><br>But they were both too young for me. I still haven’t dated anyone younger than 25 and never want to. When you date a young person, they’re still figuring out their lives and what they want in life and in a partner. I didn’t want someone that was still figuring out what they liked and what they didn’t like. I wanted someone who knew exactly what they wanted in life. <br><br>I still couldn’t help but think about the girls even though I knew it was wrong. I tried to go on with my day, but I couldn’t get them out of my head. It was wrong and disgusted me, but I couldn’t help myself. <br><br>The next day I had to go out into the yard again. This time Rachel and Allie were out. Allie was doing homework and Rachel was reading a book. Rachel looked up from her book and smiled at me. I smiled back and felt guilty. <br><br>I thought about going over to them. Just to say hi. But I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t do that. It was wrong to even consider it. I thought about going inside but I couldn’t do that either. <br><br>I was so torn. They were right there, a few feet away from me, and I couldn’t do anything. I went back to work and was in my own little world when I heard Rachel giggle. <br><br>“Hi there mom wasn’t it?” I heard her say. I turned around and saw that she was smiling and laughing at me. “I’m Rachel.” <br><br>I smiled and laughed awkwardly and said “I’m Marc, nice to meet you Rachel.” My dad had the same reaction that I did - giggle awkwardly and go back to work. <br><br>She went back to her book. I went back to work. I worked and she read - the whole time - until I went back inside and she left. <br><br>Over the next few days I was out in the yard a lot. I would look over at the girls and they would cover their mouths and laugh and look at their phones. Rachel would never look at me and laugh - she would just look at me and smile. <br><br>One day Allie was on her phone and Rachel was walking out of the back door. As soon as she saw me - from a distance - she smiled. I smiled back and she went into her room. <br><br>A few minutes later she came out and I heard “Shut up Allie! Leave me alone!” Allie didn’t say anything. I had to laugh. I’m sure she was making fun of her. Allie sat down and Rachel went into her room again. <br><br>I thought about going over to them again. I thought about it everyday. <br><br>One day I thought about - and actually did - a drive by. I went into my car and drove around the block. I drove very slowly down their street and Rachel was outside. When she saw me she waved and I waved back. <br><br>I drove down the street and when I turned the corner I saw myself in the rearview mirror. I looked at myself and said “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” How pathetic. <br><br>Rachel never said anything to me the whole time that I lived there. Whenever I would see her she would wave and smile and I would wave and smile. <br><br>I moved out of my dad’s house three years ago and moved into an apartment. The whole time I lived there I never went over to them. Never. Despite wanting to everyday. <br><br>I think that Rachel is the only woman that has ever made me feel like that. Even when I was a kid I wasn’t like other boys. I never had crushes or anything like that. <br><br>She’s the only person to make me feel that way and she’s the only person I’ve never met.