[suomynonmo]

My story. I'm a 30 year old ex-wife who is finally at peace with myself.<br><br>I grew up in the 80's as a skinny girl with a bad temper. I went from being a sweet girl to a bad girl. I was very confused and unsure of who I was. I grew up very religious in church and my parents didn't like me. I rebelled by being bad and acting like I didn't care. <br><br>My first serious boyfriend I was 18 and he was 25 and was already divorced. I was very young and didn't know better. He treated me horrible, like I was his personal maid and cleaned his house every week. I gave him head every time he wanted it. He was my first and I didn't know how to set boundaries. I didn't have anyone to tell me I was being treated bad. I was so insecure and scared of losing him, he was a lot older and a lot more experienced than me.<br><br>I knew a lot of guys but I was too shy and didn't feel comfortable approaching them. When I was 22 I got pregnant by my then boyfriend. He wanted to move to the city and he didn't want me or our daughter with him. He was already married to someone else and he wanted me to raise the child alone. I was so stupid and naive and I thought that he would be there for me and he would help me raise our child. I had to move back to my hometown and he moved in with his wife. <br><br>He told me that I should have an abortion because it was too soon. I told him no and he told me to go ahead and do it because I'm nothing but a stupid girl. He never showed me any money and he never helped me. He just used to send me money for the bills. But that wasn't always enough. <br><br>I had to raise our child alone and I worked full time and barely survived. He was never there for me and I didn't know how to call him out on his shit. I was too scared and too insecure. I thought that he was the love of my life and that he would always love me. <br><br>I was 25 when I met my second ex husband. He was 28 and I thought that I hit the jackpot. I thought that he was the one. I thought he loved me and I thought he was there for me. He treated me horrible too. He called me fat and ugly and he was always on my case for something. I was always insecure around him because he was too critical. I thought that I had to change for him and make him love me. He was always so cold and he never showed me love or affection. <br><br>I got pregnant again and he was very angry. He told me that he didn't want kids and that I was a stupid girl and that I ruined my life. I was so insecure again and I thought that I didn't deserve better. <br><br>When my daughter was 6 and I was 28, he left me. I was so sad and so broken and I thought that I didn't deserve anything better. He was the only man who was interested in me. But then he left me and I was alone. <br><br>My ex husband told me that I should learn to accept that I'm just a single mom and I won't get a husband again. And that I should learn to be alone. I thought that was impossible for me to do. But I had no choice. <br><br>I was so depressed and I was in therapy for years. I learned a lot and I finally became independent. I started working for myself and I met a lot of men. I finally started to love myself and I finally felt like I'm worthy of love. <br><br>I had a lot of friends and I was finally not alone. I learned that I'm strong and capable and that I don't need a man to be happy. I finally stopped blaming myself and I stopped feeling insecure. <br><br>When my daughters are in their 20's, I met a wonderful man who loves me. He is kind, gentle and he is so loving. I'm finally at peace with myself and I'm not alone. I'm happy and I'm finally worthy of love.<br><br>My story is about me finally being independent and learning to love myself. I finally stopped blaming myself and I'm happy.