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I (17M) have never had a gf or a kiss. My sister (19F) is literally every guy's dream. She's a cheerleader and is drop dead gorgeous, going to college on a cheerleading scholarship. I've been crushing on her since I was 14, but I never told her. In fact, she never even knows I like her. I don't want to ruin our relationship or make things awkward.<br><br>Last night we went to a party. She was just wearing a thin sweater and jeans, but she still looked beautiful. She told me she would buy me a drink for my birthday (my birthday was last week, but she didn't have time to do anything with me yet). Then, she went off to hang out with her friends. I didn't know anybody at the party (I invited a few friends, but they didn't come). So I just sat by myself at the table and watched my sister hang out. <br><br>I don't know why, but she's so gorgeous. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was laughing and having a good time. She still looks the same as she did when I first started crushing on her. I guess that's why I still have a crush on her. <br><br>I thought she had forgotten about my birthday present, but then she came back to me and invited me to go to the car with her. I thought we were just going to talk, but then she offered me a vodka cranberry and told me to drink it. I told her I wasn't 21 yet and didn't want to drink, but she told me to drink it anyway. She said it was my birthday present and I had to drink it. In fact, she said that if I didn't drink it, I wouldn't get my present. <br><br>I didn't want to disappoint her, so I drank it. It tasted disgusting, but my sister told me to drink it fast and not to stop until I finished. She told me to drink it like a shot lol, so I did. She was right though - it didn't taste so bad after I finished. <br><br>Then, she told me to close my eyes and don't open them. I thought she was going to give me a kiss on the cheek or something, but instead she kissed me on the lips. I was surprised, but I didn't say anything because she told me to keep my eyes closed. I could feel her tongue in my mouth, and it felt so good. <br><br>I couldn't believe it. I had never kissed a girl, and now I was kissing the hottest girl of all time. I felt like I was dreaming. But it wasn't a dream - it was real! My sister was actually French kissing me. <br><br>I couldn't believe how good it felt. I had imagined it before, but it was actually so much better in real life. I felt like I was melting. She was so gorgeous and now she was kissing me. I almost came in my pants right there. <br><br>Finally, she told me to open my eyes. I looked at her and she told me to hold her hand. I didn't know where we were going, but I didn't care. I followed her anywhere. She took me to her bedroom and we French kissed for like 20 minutes. <br><br>She told me we had to stop soon, because our parents were going to worry about us. But before we left, she gave me a birthday spanking. She lifted up my shirt and spanked me right on my bare ass. I felt so embarrassed, but it also felt kind of good. <br><br>Then, we left and I drove us back home. She fell asleep in the car, so I had to carry her into the house. I told her to wake up, but she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I told her she had to go to sleep in her own bed, so I picked her up and carried her into her room.<br><br>I set her on the bed and she told me to lie down next to her. I told her no, I had to go to sleep, but she told me to just lie down for a minute. I finally agreed, and she put her arm around me and told me to close my eyes. <br><br>I closed my eyes and almost fell asleep. I could hear her breathing and I felt so comfortable. I didn't want to move or get up. I just wanted to lie there forever with her arms around me. <br><br>Finally, I told her I had to go to sleep. But she told me don't go yet, stay with me. I told her yes, I'll stay with you. I fell asleep in her bed, and in the morning we woke up together. I told her what happened last night and she said she didn't remember. <br><br>I told her she kissed me in the bathroom and she said she didn't remember. I told her she gave me a birthday spanking and she said she didn't remember. But then she told me "sometimes, when I get drunk, I kiss the people I love." <br><br>I asked her "Do you love me?" and she told me yes. I asked her "Do you want to kiss me?" and she told me yes. I asked her "Do you want to have sex with me?" and she told me no. <br><br>Then, I went back to my room and laid in bed. I was so confused. I didn't know what to make out of this. I've never been in a situation like this. I still have a crush on her, but she doesn't want to have sex with me. <br><br>I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I don't know how to stop having a crush on her. I know it's wrong and disgusting, but I don't know what else to do. I just want to be happy.<br><br>Edit: She doesn't drink very often. I've only seen her drink three times in my entire life.