I don’t know what a sibling is like without the incest. I never wanted my sister.

I wonder if I would love her more without the insecurities. My first memories of my sister are my first memories of my brother too. I never remember being without my brother. Now I’m 23, and I regret not having been a good sister. I don’t know when our relationship changed because I don’t remember. That’s the part I regret the most. I was always the more confident one, the outgoing one, and then I changed. I wish I could remember how it happened because I feel like that’s where things went wrong. My brother is the most selfless person I’ve ever met, and I feel I don’t deserve him. Now that I’m older, I wonder what it would be like without the insecurities I have. I think our relationship would be more intimate, but I don’t know. I feel like I’m a bad sister because I don’t know how to be open and intimate with him. I’m so jealous of the people who have healthy sibling relationships. Not even healthy, just any relationship without the complications. My brother is out of this world. I don’t think he’ll ever see this, but if you do, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be more open with you. That’s the one thing I regret about our relationship because I want to tell you things and I’m too afraid.