What if God had a wife?

They never really talked about her, only made the odd passing comment. But one day the angels of heaven decided enough was enough.<br><br>Almighty God sat at his desk, a large wooden affair carved from the gnarled tree of knowledge, staring out of the window into the void. His mind was elsewhere, and the odd contented smile drifted across his face every so often. <br><br>Archangel Michael cleared his throat. God turned in his chair to face him. "Yes?"<br><br>"What's going on?" Michael bluntly asked.<br><br>God smiled at him, a gentle, knowing thing. "What do you mean?"<br><br>Michael threw up his hands. "You've spent the last three years just smiling." He paused. "Is it her?"<br><br>God's smile faltered for a moment before he shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."<br><br>Michael scoffed. "Don't bother, we've heard you talking in your sleep."<br><br>The other angels shuffled uncomfortably. This was difficult territory even for them.<br><br>He sighed and rubbed his temples. "What do you want to know?"<br><br>"Erm." The leader of the host shifted uncomfortably. "Everything?"<br><br>The smile was back on God's face as he sat back down. "Where would you like me to start?"<br><br>"How did you meet her?" someone asked from the back of the crowd, hastily adding, "No theatrics, just the truth."<br><br>"Alright," God agreed with a chuckle. "Well met at University. I was doing war studies, she was in the fine arts faculty. I joined the fencing club, mainly because I was really good at it, and she was there as part of her syllabus. She saw through me, cutting past all my bluster, and we... talked. We went on our first date a week later."<br><br>"Did you know who she was?" Another angel chimed in.<br><br>"At the time I did. She was the daughter of a minor deity from the Egyptian pantheon," God replied, eyes far away, lost in thought. "She's always been a free spirit though, and when she found out about my... plans, she stuck with me through thick and thin."<br><br>"Are you happy?" An angeless asked, her voice barely above a whisper.<br><br>God looked at her, and this time his smile faltered. "I've never been happier."<br><br>Michael shifted uncomfortably. "Then why aren't you with her?"<br><br>God sighed and looked at the floor. "You know how it is. Duty. Responsibility. House hunting. It's been a long engagement."<br><br>"How long?" Someone asked.<br><br>God sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Three thousand years."<br><br>"Three *thousand* years?" an angel repeated, incredulous. "How on earth have you managed to wait that long?"<br><br>"Self control," God snapped, before sighing. "I'm sorry. It's just... I can't be with her until the universe is perfect. Until I've finished what I've started. Until then she has to wait, and I can't see her."<br><br>The archangel shifted uncomfortably. "But... has she... you know... Found someone else?"<br><br>God's smile faltered, and for a moment his mask slipped. The angels saw a momentary flash of anguish in his eyes before it was hastily covered.<br><br>"No," he said quietly, as if he didn't quite believe it. "She wouldn't do that."<br><br>"But you're not one hundred per cent sure?" Michael doggedly asked.<br><br>"No," God admitted, "I'm not."<br><br>The archangel pressed on, undeterred. "Then what are you waiting for?"<br><br>"I told you, until-"<br><br>"Fuck the Universe!" the archangel exploded, stamping his foot. "This isn't about us any more. You're lonely, she's lonely, you're happy together... Why the hell are you putting this off?"<br><br>The Lord shifted uncomfortably. "I'm just... waiting for the right moment."<br><br>"Well I think the time is right to give her a call." the Archangel folded his arms. "Now."<br><br>God looked at them, and for a moment he looked terrified. Then he smiled and nodded. "You're right. Excuse me."<br><br>Almighty God stood up and walked out of his office, leaving the confused shower of angels behind him.<br><br>A few minutes later the archangels stood in a line along the barrier shore of the river Lethe, watching as the figure of God strode across the white sands of the expanse that was heaven, towards a realm that none of them knew existed. <br><br>A few minutes later a phone appeared in his hand, and he dialled a very special number. <br><br>"I've been waiting for your call," a gentle voice said on the other end of the line. "How are you doing?"<br><br>"I think it's time we talked," God said, showering joy down on an unsuspecting planet. "Yes, of course I'll come straight over. See you soon."<br><br>God laughed, and the shower of joy became a rain of happiness that blanketed the world. The archangels heard a faint whisper of, "I love you," before the phone vanished, leaving God to walk into the unknown.<br><br>"Did he just... did he just phone his girlfriend?" one of the angels asked, stunned.<br><br>"I think he did," another replied, equally dumbfounded.<br><br>"I have no idea what's going to happen now," said a third, and they all just stood there, awestruck.<br><br>**Edit:** Sorry I didn't see it, but you guys asked a few questions and I didn't answer, so I'm just going to go over them all so you can see them. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or think I missed anything. <br><br>* **Is the Devil behind it all?** Yes. He does make an appearance, but not for a while, sorry. <br>* **Did God survive without his girlfriend through the war?** By the skin of his teeth. <br>* **What was the war like?** Lions and tigers and bears. It was the worst of humanity and the worst of heaven. I'll go into detail about that later if you want. <br>* **Was Satan punished?** Satan was only punished after the war. God and his girlfriend had nothing to do with it. The guilty were judged, and those who weren't were pardoned. <br>* **What is God's girlfriend like?** His girlfriend is as kind as he is cruel. She's a compassionate soul with a wicked sense of humour. She was only momentarily upset when she heard about his war. <br>* **Did she forgive him?** Of course she did. She wouldn't have let him leave if she didn't. Although she did tease him mercilessly for a while afterwards. <br>* **What about the other peoples' Gods, does she know them?** Of course. They're all old friends. The Egyptian and Greek pantheons still exist, technically, even if the humans think they've been abolished. She often spends time with Anubis, and God has a long standing grudge with Thor. All very complicated. The Norse pantheon as a whole is a little confusing, to be honest, but they'll appear later. <br>* **What about the end of the universe?** Well that subject has been broached. Let's just say we're all in for a long wait, and that God and his girlfriend have a date with destiny in about 140 billion years or so. <br>* **Will we hear more about the angels and archangels?** Oh yes. Archangel Michael is a bit of a trouble causer, to be honest, and the angels are all dealing with the aftermath of the war. <br><br>I hope that covers everything, let me know if you have any more questions. <br><br>**TL;DR:** Yes, the devil was behind it all. There was a war, it was horrible, but it's over now. I'll tell you more about the story later if you want. Thank you for your interest.