In the 80s, I was a substitute teacher. I was stuck one day at a high school and they put me in a room with a bunch of kids doing independent work.

The thing is, this wasn’t supposed to be my assignment. I was originally supposed to sub for another teacher in this school. There were a bunch of us waiting in the lounge, however, and they went over the subs they needed. One of the teachers was out sick, but hadn’t left them lesson plans. And one of the subs had cancelled at the last minute, and they were stuck with an extra person. So, I got sent to the teacher without a lesson plan, and she went home. I had been substitute teaching for many years, and the schools never taught you the layout of them, never gave you maps, and never called or wrote to let you know you no longer had a job (and they never told you why). They simply didn’t call you back to come in. So, I had no idea the high school was built on a hillside. Each floor had doors on both ends. One side was the parking lot, and the other side was a full story up. I knew the teacher I was supposed to sub for had her windowed classroom at the end of a hallway on the parking lot side, which I had checked. I had asked for directions to my classroom, and everybody told me exactly how to get there from the lounge, which was near the parking lot. The problem was that they never told me how I would get there from the vice principal’s office on the opposite side of the building. I was already flustered, as the school had called me in the middle of the night and told me to come in early for an important meeting with the faculty. And then, I found out I wasn’t needed for the meeting and that I didn’t know my assignment until I was stuck in the office, where I got dressed down for wasting everybody’s time. So, I was ready to shoot myself in the head, and I didn’t realize I was walking in the wrong direction. So, I climbed the stairs all the way to the top of the school. I looked at my assignment and realized it was completely wrong. I went down one floor, looked around, and realized it was wrong again. This went on for several floors. I finally ended up on the bottom floor and saw a map on the wall. I checked the map and realized I was in completely the wrong part of the school. I decided to ask directions, but I couldn’t find a soul. I walked until I found a janitor. I explained my situation to him, and he laughed and said the room was at the end of the hallway. I got there and no one was there. I looked around, but there was no one in sight. I was starting to feel desperate. So, I pounded on the nearest classroom door until someone answered. After what seemed like an eternity, someone finally opened the door. “I’m looking for room blah blah blah”. “Oh, that’s in a completely different part of the school”. “I know. I’m supposed to be subbing for blah blah blah, but they told me to come here”. “Well, the teacher for room blah blah blah is sick and has no lesson plans, and you’re the extra sub today, so we put you in that classroom. All you have to do is baby sit the kids. They know what they have to do. Just make sure they’re doing it”. I was furious, but I was handed a room key by the teacher, told to unlock the door, and sent on my way. By the time I got to the classroom, it had been nearly a half hour since I was supposed to be there. The kids were doing their work, but they looked at me suspiciously. I unlocked the classroom cabinet and found a very thick loose-leaf notebook. I looked through it and saw that they were worksheets on various subjects. I figured, fuck it. This wasn’t my problem. I sat in the teacher’s chair, lit a cigarette, and started doing a crossword puzzle. Every now and then, I’d walk over to a kid and say, “You’re not working on the math worksheet. Stop wasting time and get to work”. And then, I’d go back to my puzzle. The kids were all staring and whispering, and I could tell they didn’t believe I was a teacher. I could also tell they thought I was a little crazy. I finally asked one of them if they knew what subject I was supposed to be teaching, and he told me. I offered extra credit if the subject was the answer to any of the clues. I finished my first cigarette and stamped it out in the trash can. I lit my second and kids started to raise their hands. One kid said, “I know the answer is 15.” I asked, “15 what?” and he said, “15 across.” This was followed by several kids raising their hands and saying, “Ooh, ooh, I know 32 down.” And I would tell them the answer and praise their intelligence. I continued to do this for the entire period. When the kids left, I told them, “Don’t bother trying to get me in trouble, because I’m never coming back to this school.”