AITA for telling my wife we’re not living with my dying mom?

Oh geez this might be the most contentious thing I’ve ever posted in this sub but here goes. I (M36) am the only child of a widow (M65) who’s always been self-sufficient and still drives and does everything for herself. I make good money — six figures — and my wife (F34) does too. Neither of us is particularly close with our mothers but that’s not really pertinent here. <br><br> <br> <br>My wife’s mother (F65) is dying of cancer. She has months to live and the prognosis is clear. My wife is distraught and rightfully so, extremely close with her mom. This is the first time either of us has had to deal with losing a parent. Her dad died just before I met my wife but she was just a kid at the time. My dad died of a heart attack when I was a kid. <br><br> <br> <br>So my wife is heartbroken. She’s been going over to her parent’s place constantly, sometimes twice a day. She’s taking tons of time off work and I’ve been supporting her through all of this. <br><br> <br> <br>Her mom asked if she could move in with us and sleep in the guest room but my wife said, “No, mom, I’ll just come visit you instead. And I’ve already lost your husband. I can’t lose dad, too!” She then asked if I would move in with her parents instead and I said no without even thinking about it. <br><br> <br> <br>She was shocked that I said no. She thought I’d say yes automatically. We had a big fight about this the other day and I said, “But what about my mom?” And she said, “She’s fine! But my mom isn’t!” And I said, “What if my mom gets sick? I won’t be around to help her and I’m all she has.” My wife said, “But you’re all *I* have!” And I said, “What about your kids?” And she said, “What kind of mom am I going to be if I don’t take care of my own mom in her last months?” <br><br> <br> <br>I told her flat out I’m not moving in with her parents and she told me flat out she’s moving in with her parents. So now she’s hardly here at all. I haven’t even seen her since our fight the other day. She’s staying over there sometimes, too, and has been spending the night at her sister’s place. <br><br>The reason I’m posting this is that my wife’s sister is now saying I’m the asshole for not supporting my wife in her time of need. She says I’m putting my mom first. I don’t think I am. <br><br>I can’t imagine what my wife is going through and I’ve been trying to support her any way I can but I think she’s being completely selfish. She says she’s not going to come back to me unless I change my mind but I’ve said I’m not moving in with her parents, end of story. <br><br>Is that AH of me? Should I be living with her parents? She says her dad needs someone there extremely badly and that he’s over his head trying to cook and clean for her mom who can’t take care of herself. She says her dad is exhausted and needs help with the house and I’m being selfish because I’m not helping. <br><br>I told her I’m not living with her dad and siblings and she said, “So what, you’re going to divorce me over this?” And I said, “I’m not moving in with your dad but I don’t want to divorce you.” And she said, “So if I move in with my dad then what?” And I said, “Then we’re living separately.” She said that’s ridiculous and called me immature. Then I told her, “I won’t live with my mother either. But I will live with you if you stay with me!” And she said, “But I need to be with my dad!!!!” And I said, “I’m not going to leave my mom behind!!! She’s all I have!!!” <br><br>I think it’s nuts she expects me to leave my mom like that but she’s not budging. She says she’s going to go stay with her dad even if we have to divorce over this. She’s asked if I’ll reconsider once her dad is widowed but I said no because my mom is still alive. I will not leave her alone to care for herself. I don’t know what the fuck my wife is thinking.