I became an addict just to able to cope with my mental illness

I am 13. I have never ever been normal, I have always felt something was off, I have always felt so lost and alone. I found out I am bipolar, and my dad does not allow me to take medicine because he is religious, and he says the only way I am going to get better is if I become more religious. I am also transgender. It has been a tough time for me, I never get to see my grandma because they don't get along, my mom <br>Cried cause my dad keeps calling her a terrible mom, I have been sick for a while, my fever has not gone away and they don't want to take me to a doctor.<br>They also tell me horrible things cause they don't believe in mental illness. My dad is a jerk, yesterday he got mad at me for laughing. They also tell me I am a bad girl because I am transgender and I come from a family that is extremely religious. They keep calling me evil, and they say God did a mistake with me. It hurt so much to listen to this, I got angry and I also felt sad. I don't know what to do, I feel like giving up, I feel like they are right and I am not good enough, they also keep telling me that I am a terrible person for doing drugs and I should be ashamed of myself. I am ashamed, but I need a break. I need to have a few hours where I am not stuck in my room or getting yelled at constantly. I want to feel normal. I want to be able to play with my dog, or another pet, cause I don't have one anymore because they say it is my fault, I want to go out and explore and I want to be myself. I am so tired of living like this, I am tired of them treating me bad and making me feel guilty. I am tired of this cycle, I am tired of feeling like this. I just want to be able to be myself and live like a kid. I want to be able to go to school, I want to be able to hang out with people, I wanna have my first kiss. I wanna be able to play sports. I wanna be able to ride a bike, I want to be able to speak 4 different languages fluently. I want to be able to do art. I want to be able to do so many things. But I don't want to end up like them. I don't want to end up like my dad.