Rip my sister

I'm so sad, I just can't be alone in my feelings<br><br>I (18m) was the only male in my household, I had 2 sisters, one older (20f) and one younger (12f) than me<br><br>I've been in love with my older sister since I was 8 or 9 years old. I've always tried to ignore that and to keep it to myself since I knew that it was "wrong" and I didn't want to ruin the relationship they had to lose the amazing friendship we had<br><br>Over the years I've been in love with my sister more than ever before, I still kept my feelings to myself while I watched her with other boys, I've never felt jealous, I wasn't hurt, I just wanted her to be happy while I was dying on the inside<br><br>Last year my sister got married to a guy that she met last summer, I tried to be a good brother (or whatever you wanna call me) at her wedding they got to know each other and got married just after 2 months and my sister became pregnant after another 2 months, I was happy, I haven't told anybody about my feelings towards my sister and I didn't tell anyone till this day<br><br>Last week my sister and her husband came to visit us, she wasn't feeling very well and a few days after her visit while they were back in their home she lost the baby<br><br>I don't know how to put myself together, the thing that I love the most in the world wasn't too well and I was in love with her, I didn't know how to process my feelings, I just wanted her to feel better, but I still haven't told her about my feelings towards her, I don't know if I ever will