The anonymous of the anonymous, that's me.

This anonymous instance that's posting accounts for exactly ONE person in my entire life... A life that spans 55 years and counting.<br><br>At 7 years old my dad got me a pair of boots made for a kid. I was like "ewww...no. Why do I have to wear girl boots? Boys have boy boots. I'm a boy."<br><br>He's like "Those are boy boots."<br><br>Uh-uh. The lady that sold him the boots said "I'm sorry sir. Those are girls boots."<br><br>I remember this crap like it was yesterday.<br><br>In school I'd think about how I wish I was a girl. I could do the things they could do, wear the clothes they wore, do the things they did. I liked the things they liked. I could talk to the other girls.<br><br>I'd sit in the boys locker room of 50 boys and be jealous of the cheerleaders because they got to CHOOSE whether they could be in the girls or boys locker room.<br><br>But nobody wants to talk to a boy who wants to be a girl.<br><br>I would have been the ultimate girl's friend, but they wouldn't CHOOSE a boy.<br><br>They would CHOOSE me now, and they don't even know. These girls became women. These women are now MY friends.<br><br>My wife is the only person who knows me. She knows. She KNOWS, but she doesn't KNOW. But I love her for trying.<br><br>How do I go up to the person I married and tell them that I want to be a girl? She's married to a man. She chose a guy. She wants a man. She doesn't want a girl. She wouldn't CHOOSE a girl. She's got what she wants, and she likes what she's got.<br><br>I don't blame her for that. Hell, that's what I want, A CHANCE TO CHOOSE WHAT I WANT.<br><br>I've never been out in public as female. I've never been out in a dress, heels, makeup, with my hair done, in the way I want. I'm afraid of not fitting in. Afraid of not doing it right. Afraid of what my wife will think. Afraid of what my family will think. Afraid of what my friends will think.<br><br>This is my instance of Reddit where I can be myself. I don't have any friends on here. I don't post enough. I don't browse enough. It's just my place to CHOOSE to be a girl and I've never done it.<br><br>Last night my wife went to bed early. I waited 30 minutes or so. I went into my closet and put on a wig. I took a selfie of myself with my phone. I wore a short red wig with CHOPPED BANGS. I never took one. I changed wigs. I wore a long blonde wig with NO bangs. I never took another. I wore a bunch of wigs. I never took another selfie. I finally took a selfie. I wore a wig that was my natural hair color. I changed wigs. I never took another. I wore heels, took a selfie. I changed heels. I never took another. I changed clothes. I never took another. I changed makeup. I never took another. I changed wigs again. I wore a short black wig with BANGS. I never took another. I changed clothes again. I never took another. I changed shoes again. I never took another. I changed wigs, and makeup, and clothes and shoes and took another selfie.<br><br>I wore that makeup and wig for an hour. I had on no clothes but heels. I was just sitting in bed taking selfies that nobody will ever see of myself with CHOPPED BANGS and a short black wig.<br><br>I finally sat there and realized that I was doing what I wanted to do. I was doing what I've always wanted to do. Drink in hand, CHOPPED BANGS and a short black wig, heels, and my hands on a computer full of selfies of girls on the internet.<br><br>But nobody will ever know. Nobody will ever see. Nobody chooses a girl.<br><br>The only person I'll ever be is a guy. I'll never be a girl. I'll never be chosen.<br><br>So here I sit, on Reddit, in a thread nobody will ever see, talking to nobody in a way nobody will ever know.<br><br>That's my life. One of a million. One of a billion. One of six billion... and I'm the only one who will ever know. So I'm anonymous, even to myself.<br><br>I'm the kind of person nobody chooses to be.