AITA for kicking my brother and his fiancé out after they rejected me?

Hi. I’m 17 and my parents only child is my brother who’s 19. He’s the first born so obviously he always got preferred treatment from my parents and I was just the baby. It’s an issue that’s caused a lot of problems between us, as well as our relationship.<br><br>My brother has been with his fiancé since he was 16, so 3 years now. When I was 14 I started liking her too. I tried to hide it but she saw and didn’t like it and that caused a lot of tension in my house.<br><br>Last year in August my brother and his fiancé went on holiday for a few weeks. During this time, I was at my lowest. I was self harming, trying to cut myself regularly, not eating, not sleeping and just felt empty inside and blamed myself for everything. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It might’ve triggered something.<br><br>Anyway, while they were away, I tried to kill myself. I took a lot of pills and drank a lot of alcohol. When my mother found me, she rushed me to hospital, where I was treated and eventually put into a psychiatric ward for a week. She then kicked me out as there was no way she could look after me with my brother away and my father away on a work trip. My brother and his fiancé came back a few days after I was taken into care. They helped my parents collect all my stuff and gave me money to get a place with my friend and her mom.<br><br>It’s been a hard time but I’ve gotten much better. I see a therapist every week and I feel better. I might not be perfect but at least I don’t self harm and eat properly and sleep and stuff. I’m working.<br><br>My brother and his fiancé came to visit me a few weeks ago. While we were talking, I asked if everything was okay between us. They told me they’re still upset with me for trying to kill myself. I asked how could I not do that when I was so miserable. They said I tried to kill myself when they didn’t live that way. I asked what they meant and they told me there had been a huge misunderstanding. They said that when I would try to cut myself, they thought I was doing it for artistic expression and when I wouldn’t eat they thought I was on a health kick. When I tried to kill myself, they thought it was a drunk joke. They laughed about it while they were away. I was furious.<br><br>A few days ago I was visiting my parents. My brother and his fiancé came over too. We were all talking and I asked them again if everything was okay between us. They said it wasn’t. I asked why. They said that now I know they thought my self harm and lack of eating was for self expression and trying to live healthy. They said they’re embarrassed. I asked what was there to be embarrassed about and they said that it looked bad that they’re engaged and I’m a messed up little sister. I asked what they meant. They said it looked bad that they’re mature and doing things the right way, while I’m doing things the wrong way and that makes them look bad. I asked what’s worse trying to kill yourself or trying to cut yourself for self expression. Not surprisingly, they answered the latter. I lost it and asked them if they really saw me as rubbish. They said I’m rubbish and asked why I even hoped to marry them someday. I asked if that’s what this was all about and they said it was. I told them I wasn’t going to marry either of them but since they rejected me when I tried to kill myself, they could just pack their stuff and get the hell out. My mother screamed at me calling me an asshole and a heartless bitch but I kicked my brother and his fiancé out of my parents’ house. My father tried to stop me but I told him let them stay with him at his work site for a few nights until they find a place to stay.<br><br>I feel bad. I’m ashamed of what I did and I can’t stop crying. I don’t think I’m an asshole but maybe I am.