My SO and I are having a debate about the importance of race and ethnicity in selecting a sperm donor (we are both women and need a sperm donor to conceive).

I am biracial (Caucasian and African) and queer. My partner (also a woman) is Caucasian. Our plan is to conceive using a sperm donor. We would like our child to identify as African American (Black). My SO thinks that the donor should be African American and I think he should be Caucasian. I think that the donor’s race is irrelevant since I am half African and half Caucasian and I will be contributing the African heritage to our baby. My SO thinks that our child should have African heritage from both SOs. She wants our child to be able to identify fully as African American without knowing that only one of their parents is African American (me). I understand her reasoning, but I also don’t want to exclude the African American donor pool. My SO also wants our child to look Black so that they are treated and accepted as Black by society and the Black community. I understand SO’s point, but I don’t think that it’s the right reason to exclude Caucasian donors.