I caught my girlfriends cheating and I now have a terminal illness. 3 year anniversary in a month, I want to leave and I don't know how.

I want to preface this by saying I am a 32 year old male. I am autistic, have hyperthymesia and I will try to be as concise as possible being an autistic person.<br><br>I am a widower, who met his current girlfriend 3 years ago. She is from Iran and I am an American. My previous wife was from India. I had a point in my life where I ended up working for an Indian company in India and she was my co worker. She died 8 years ago, while we were living in the US. I still remember the day she died. The smell of the room, the sounds, everything. <br>In 2020, I lived in Saint Petersburg, FL, and I went out to a bar, and I met her. She was at the time working at a doctors office in the city. She is a RNFA for a cardiothoracic surgeon. I have been in the medical field for 12 years, so her occupation was exciting to me. I got a career change after my wife died, working as an independent contractor (1109), and have been doing that for the last 8 years. <br>The first year of our relationship, I decided to ignore the red flags, as I believe everyone deserves a chance. She was the first person I dated after my wife, and I was trying to be as fair as possible. During the first year, I started to notice a few things. I would wake up in the middle of the night and she would be on her phone. I would ask her who she was talking to, and she said her sister. I can speak Farsi, but I do have a hard time understanding spoken Farsi. When I asked her if I could see her phone, she said yes, but the messages were in Farsi. So, I could not read them. I started to notice that she would get calls during the day from different numbers, and she would say it was her uncle. I started to record the calls, using an app, so I could go back to them and listen to them when I was ready. When I did, I heard a man on the phone, and it was sexual conversation. I put all of these things aside, and continued being with her. <br>In 2021, we moved to Tampa, FL, where I got a job at a hospital, and I continue to work there to this day. In March 2021, she started at a hospital in Tampa, working for a neurosurgeon. It was at this time, I noticed her behavior to change. She would come home late, and leave for work early. I started to follow her to work, and I would find her in the parking lot on her phone, for an hour before work. I never seen her use narcotics, where I lived with my previous wife, but I started to suspect she was taking them. She would come home at 5:00 and she would sleep until 9:00. I confronted her about it, and she said she was tired from work. I decided to contact her family and let them know what was going on. They told me to leave her, but I decided to stay. She told me she wanted to buy a house just the two of us, and I agreed. We bought a house in Brandon, FL, and moved into it in July 2021. At this time, I tried to get her to move back to Saint Petersburg, so she could work at the same hospital I worked at, but she refused, and I refused to take a job at the hospital she worked at. During this time, I started to notice she would get up in the middle of the night and take a bath. I didn't think anything of this, as my previous wife did the same thing. It wasn't until I caught her blow drying her genitals with a hair dryer, when I confront her about it. She told me she was just trying to dry herself. <br>In 2022, I was sick for the majority of the year. I kept getting these nuisances infections, and I was being treated with different antibiotics, but I still felt sick. At this time, I started to notice that she was leaving the house at 9:00 at night, and she would come back at 2:00 in the morning, and then leave for work at 5:00 in the morning. I confronted her about it, and she said she was driving an uber, but she never had a phone or car to do so. She started to not come home on the weekends. On Fridays she wouldn't come home until Sundays. I had enough, so I moved in with my parents in Saint Petersburg for a month. I will always remember that day, the sight, the sounds the smells, as my hyperthymesia will not allow me to forget. I never threatened her and never raised my voice. I told her what she was doing was wrong. She called me crying and telling me to come home, but I refused. I told her, I would never leave her, and I told her I would come back if she started to act right. She continued to not act right. I would call her at 10:00 at night and she would tell me she was at work. I would call her at 11:00 and she would tell me she was at the hospital. I would call her at 12:00, and she would tell me she was at the police station. I decided enough was enough, so I hired a PI to follow her for a month. The PI reported that she was working at a night club in Ybor City, FL. This was the last straw for me, and I decided to leave her in November 2022. Before I left her in November 2022, I caught her having sex with a TA at the hospital she worked at. I packed my things and left. She kept calling me begging me to come back, but I refused. I decided to go back to Saint Petersburg, FL, and I moved in with my parents. I got a lawyer, and started divorce proceedings. I told her that I would always love her, but I couldn't be with her anymore. <br>She continued to call me for months asking for me to take her back. She told me she didn't know how much I meant to her, until I was gone. She started telling me she loved me, even though she never told me she loved me before. I eventually took her back in April 2023. I moved back to the house we lived in together, and we lived together again. I decided to ignore all the previous behaviors and try to be fair again. I can't tell you why I did, as I don't know. She continued to work at the hospital, and would come home late all the time. I started to notice her behavior change, and she started to not want to have sex with me anymore. I decided to confront her, and I found text messages between her and a doctor she works with. They both were planning on leaving their spouses for each other. I packed my things and left again. As I writing this, I am balling, because I love her so much and I do not want to leave her again. <br>I am now at a crossroads. I love her, and I don't want to leave her, and I am afraid of being alone again. I am afraid of not finding someone else. I don't know if I can trust myself to make the right decision. I am comfortable and happy where I am at. I have a house and a job. I have everything I need. I am just afraid now. I don't know if I can do this again. I am tired of being hurt and betrayed. I love this woman, and I don't want to be without her. She is the love of my life, but I am just so tired.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>tl;dr My girlfriend cheats on me and I caught her. I have a terminal illness. I am afraid of being alone and I don't know what to do.<br><br>Edit: I changed some of the information I provided to make sure my story stays anonymous, as I believe she may have found this and I do not want to give away that it was me who wrote it. <br><br>Update: I am surprised this blew up. Thank you to those who have provided advice. I will take it into consideration. I am currently reading all the comments. <br><br>Update: I talked to a friend who has been divorced twice and he told me to leave. I talked to my family and they said to leave. I'm ready to move on.