Newly widowed and I’m shocked by how little we actually mean to men in the long run.

I (43F) lost my husband (47M) to a brain tumor last week. We were together 17 years. I thought we were happy. He was a good man, we had an affair years ago, and built a relationship with each other afterwards. He left his wife, and we bought a house together, and had a child (16M) together. My sons dad passed away last week too. <br><br>This man was everything to me. I loved him more than anyone in this world, and I thought he did the same. For the last eight months of his life, he was non verbal, and completely bed ridden due to his brain cancer. I took care of him, made arrangements to have hospice take over when I couldn’t anymore, and he passed away in my arms. <br><br>I’m so heartbroken. I thought he loved me, and I thought we had something special. He passed away last Sunday, and I haven’t stopped crying since. He had life insurance, and I get his pension, so I’m set financially. I just wish he was still here with me. But he’s not, and I can’t get him back. I have to move on, even though nothing makes me happy anymore. <br><br>But here’s the thing, and the reason I’m writing this post. The day he passed away, I called my son, his parents, his siblings, our friends, everyone that he knew and loved, and I couldn’t stop crying. <br><br>Well, I received only two calls back. His mom, and our best friends wife (her husband is his best friend). Both of them called me, and asked if I needed anything, and I said yes, I’m lonely and sad. His mom hasn’t come to see me, and I don’t expect her to. Although my son is now parentless, she has a son too, and I don’t expect her to be here for me. <br><br>His best friends wife told me that her and her husband would be with me the whole way, and she’s been here for me. She called me, she drove me around, she helped me to make funeral arrangements, and picked out the clothes he’s buried in. She’s the only one I can cry to, who has hugged me until I stop shaking. She’s been here for me, to tell me it’s okay because she knows it’s not, but it’s okay to feel that way. <br><br>And then there’s his best friend. His friend called me, he asked if I was okay, and I told him no, and he hung up the phone. He hasn’t called me since, he hasn’t been here since, and I think he bought groceries for me but I’m not really sure. I don’t know if it was him, but he hasn’t talked to me, or my son. And he’s his best friend. <br><br>I think it’s hard because his best friend was in love with me. He hasn’t loved me for a very long time, but he used to wanna be with me, and I didn’t feel the same way. So I don’t know what’s going on, or if he just got what he wanted. <br><br>I know that everyone deals with grief differently, and I’m not mad at him, or his family, none of them have reached out since. And I just wish that we meant more to men, especially after decades together and having children together. <br><br>I thought we were enough for them.