My partner is a heroin addict and I don't know what to do

Hi, i am more active on r/heroin, but I have seen a lot of you have to deal with loved ones being heroin addicts, so I thought I could ask my question here, too. <br><br>I am 26F and my partner is 29M. We have been together for 9 years and known each other for 11 years. We have been on and off heroin for either 4 or 6 years. I was able to stop last year, after 2 years of more or less continuous trying. I started to think things are gonna be okay, we both have a job and I am able to help out more. Then, last week he came home from work and - after about 4 months of being completely clean - he told me he had to go to the emergency department because he was in pain or something. I knew it, but I was too dumb to say anything. Then he came back home in more pain and he told me that the doctors told him he was shot on six and he was pretty pissed off. I did not understand the situation and I didn't know what to do, but I was just kinda panicking. We did not have any money and all of our friends are dirty, so I did not wanna ask them, I knew we would run out of money fast if we have to buy from them. <br><br>So I started to message my own dealer, which I did not do ever since we've got another regular dealer in our town for a while now. The other guy is further away, but - and I did not know this - he was the cheapest one. So the first night we did not have to buy too much, 1/2g per person and we had some pills as well. I know it's not a lot, but we are both very skinny and did not use for long before we quit, so our tolerance levels are not very high. Then, after the first night, he came home with an injury. He sliced his skin on 3 places and his hand was blue, purple and green. He didn't stop complaining and he started to throw up, so I couldn't sleep. He had to to to work the next day - he did not and got fired - but in the morning his stomach started to hurt again. I called the ambulance, but they did not help us. Since then, he was not able to be on his feet for a minute. In the weekends, I could take care of him too, but today I had to go to work. He was in pain and making himself sick, i did not even had a chance to go and do the grocery shopping. I don't know what to do, I am in pain too, but I would never act like this. I am not able to sleep - I am not able to sleep in general either, but I at least could - and i am crying all the time. <br><br>We will run out of money eventually and I don't know what to do then. We don't have friends, we don't have any family left besides our parents, who are elderly and sick. They can't help us and they would not understand. I still have my job, but I was already absent once with a migraine and now there is a sick leave from Friday to Monday, so they will not take that for granted anymore. <br><br>I know I should leave him, but I am unable to do that. I love him so much and we have been together for so long. I know we don't have an healthy relationship, but I have to do this. But I don't know for how long i will be able to do this. What should I do? What should I do? I am so tired, i don't wanna do this anymore. <br><br>Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language.<br><br>Edit: Many people either don't understand my situation or don't understand that it is my decision what I decide to do. I am not his mother, but I am his girlfriend. I am the one who is close to him, I am the one who knows everything about him. I am the one who wants him to live. <br><br>I also understand that I am the enabler, but I know what kind of person he is. He would do every possible harmful thing to himself if I wasn't here. <br><br>And I did not came here to talk about methadone. <br><br>I did not came here to know what I did wrong in the past. <br><br>I did not came here to ask you to convince me to leave him. <br><br>You all have your own experiences which makes you give such answers. I think I know the difference between a troll post and a real one. I made a mistake and posted my situation here, but it does not mean that I either trolling or complaining. I have a real problem and I need advice. But you don't wanna give me any. <br><br>Edit 2: I tried to reduce the amount and he is mad at me. He was complaining about pain and I told him to take the pills, he is still mad for it. I - and i am not proud of this - started to use as well. I am not able to cope with the situation and I am not able to sleep. I am in danger of losing my job. I can't - or I don't wanna - do anything. I HATE myself.