How do I resolve this, just ended a 3 year relationship. Help

EDIT: <br><br>Question I have is: <br><br>How do I actively pursue being just friends. I don’t want to loose him, I just don’t want to be in a relationship with him.<br><br>I’ve known him for 15 years. I’ve dated him for 10 years. I’ve never been hurt emotionally by him. I’ve never betrayed him. <br><br>What’s the best way to keep the relationship without being stuck in a situation that’s going nowhere. <br><br>If you have any advice on this, please tell me. <br><br>I’m not trying to get him back. I’m not trying to make him fall in love with me.<br><br>He’s a phenomenal human being and he’s one of my best friends. I don’t want to loose that.<br><br>Tldr: I don’t want to give up the friendship, even after 10 years just because I don’t want to be with him romantically. <br><br>EDIT2: <br> I lost a lot of weight. I went just from my normal weight 120 lbs to 85 lbs. I’m now at 95lbs. My hair was falling off. My eyes were black. I also had no energy. I was exhausted most of the time. I developed a stutter. I sweat a lot. I had no desire to get out of bed. I had no desire to do anything. I would just sit on the bed for hours and say “what am I suppose to do”. I knew I had to do something, but I just couldn’t. I spent a year like that. My mom offered to buy me an entire beauty care to get me to go out. She bought me a gym membership, she took me to see my hair dresser, she let me stay at hers because I didn’t want to be alone and I couldn’t be with anyone. She even offered me a cook, so I could have a nice meal. So I was healthy. She even offered me to go out with her. She’s a phenomenal human being. <br><br>I felt like a child in her eyes, but she didn’t tell me to stand up and pull myself together. She told me “go to bed and rest, I will help you”. I could never thank her enough for what she did. <br><br>I didn’t go on dates because I just couldn’t. I had actual physical and mental reasons. I was a zombie. I was just so sad. After a year I started to get better. My hair started to grow back. I started to say things more clearly without a stutter. I started to go out with friends, I started to go to the gym. I say this because I didn’t just sit on the bed for 3 years. I just didn’t have the energy to do anything. I’m actually glad we broke up, because I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I was just laying in bed. I was so tired I would forget to eat. I would lay in bed for days and not just go to the bathroom, but I would also forget to drink water. My hair was disgusting. It looked like hay. I also had no appetite. I was so tired I would just forget about it. <br><br>Question I have is: <br><br>How do I actively pursue being just friends. I don’t want to loose him, I just don’t want to be in a relationship with him.<br><br>I’ve known him for 15 years. I’ve dated him for 10 years. I’ve never been hurt emotionally by him. I’ve never betrayed him. <br><br>What’s the best way to keep the relationship without being stuck in a situation that’s going nowhere. <br><br>If you have any advice on this, please tell me. <br><br>I’m not trying to get him back. I’m not trying to make him fall in love with me.<br><br>He’s a phenomenal human being and he’s one of my best friends. I don’t want to loose that.<br><br>Tldr: I don’t want to give up the friendship, even after 10 years just because I don’t want to be with him romantically. <br><br>EDIT3: <br> I lost a lot of weight. I went just from my normal weight 120 lbs to 85 lbs. I’m now at 95lbs. My hair was falling off. My eyes were black. I also had no energy. I was exhausted most of the time. I also didn’t leave the house for a year. I had to be taken outside. I would’ve forgot otherwise. I was just too tired. I lost my job, because I couldn’t work. My mom had to let me stay at hers because I didn’t have any money. I also had no job since I got fired. I also didn’t get out of bed. I also had no physical strength. I had to use my arms to stand up. I had also reed off my inner body. It’s been 3 years. My hair is growing back. I’m getting some strength back. I also just joined the gym. I’m getting to normal just now. I’m not gonna lie I also didn’t take care of myself. I was disgusting. I had no desire to care about myself. I had no desire to do anything. I was so tired I could barely walk. I’m not gonna lie I was horrible to my ex. I also didn’t let him into our house for a year. I just didn’t feel good. I also just sat on the couch. I also stayed in bed for days. It was a horrible time and I’m not gonna lie I was horrible to my ex too just because he didn’t give me a kiss goodbye. I also didn’t tell him about it. I just yelled at him for little things. I would also act just like a kid. I would throw my phone at him and tell him to leave. I also didn’t want to accept that I was making him just as miserable as I was. I also didn’t let him “get out of bed”. I also didn’t want to get out of bed. I also didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I stayed at home for a year. My hair was disgusting. I also didn’t eat. I wasn’t allowed to be outside. <br><br>He’s a wonderful dude. He’s amazing. I know if my ex husband would’ve done that, I would’ve slapped the shit out of him. My ex husband would’ve also called me a slut and a whore for 3 years not having sex with him. My ex husband would’ve also been abusive. <br><br>My ex didn’t. He just let me be sad and miserable. He didn’t even talk to me when he left. He just let me be sad. He also didn’t act mad. He just let me be. He also didn’t call me a slut. He also didn’t call me a whore. He didn’t do anything. He just let me be miserable. He also didn’t try to fix things. He didn’t try to make me happy. He just let me be. He also didn’t tell me to “stand up and be a woman”. He just let me be sad. He just let me just sit on the couch and watch cartoons. He also didn’t tell me to “get my shit together”. He just let me be sad.<br><br>Tldr: I got sick. I also didn’t care about myself. I wasn’t allowed to go outside. I was also too tired to do anything. I also had no energy. I’m not gonna lie I also didn’t take care of myself. My hair was disgusting. Also I didn’t let my ex into our house. I was horrible to him. I didn’t let him touch me. I didn’t let him hug me. I didn’t let him kiss me. I was horrible. I’m not gonna lie. I just didn’t care about myself. I also felt like a child.